Writer's Block: Go it alone
Dec. 9th, 2009 07:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
author_by_night[Error: unknown template qotd]
Not intentionally, but... well, the holidays beg for awkward social situations when you're single, because a lot of couples have this way of looking at you when you talk to them at, say, social holiday functions. Of course, I'm sure sometimes it's in our heads, at least a little - you know, we're taught from childhood that we shouldn't bother Aunt Mary and Uncle Gary or Mr. and Mrs. Smith at parties, so even when couples are actually our own age, there's still this Voice of Eternal Instinct telling us: "You've said hi, that's enough. Go find someone your age to play with - oh, wait..." It's hard to know when that couple really wants you to go away, and when you just feel uncomfortable and are making the situation even more awkward in your head.
I do think there's pressure to have a SO, both in society and frankly, human nature. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but I still think everyone wants to be loved. Some more than others, but I think very few people don't ever look at other couples and wonder, don't ever wake up alone at night and think how nice it would be to have someone's arms to fall back to sleep in... humans were made to love. Sometimes human nature makes couples at parties act, okay, a little obnoxious. Other times, it makes singles uncomfortable over what was nothing more than a second of silence as the couple thought of what to say next.
Of course, there's ways to remedy the situation. When we go out to dinner for work, couples are often split up. Maybe it seems a little mean, but I think it works best when that happens. Last year we didn't manage to do that, and my coworker and his wife kept whispering to one another while other people were talking to them. And yet the previous years, when they weren't next to each other, they'd been more than pleasant. They are lovely people, but they are that couple who, when together, tend to forget there's an entire world around them.
Not intentionally, but... well, the holidays beg for awkward social situations when you're single, because a lot of couples have this way of looking at you when you talk to them at, say, social holiday functions. Of course, I'm sure sometimes it's in our heads, at least a little - you know, we're taught from childhood that we shouldn't bother Aunt Mary and Uncle Gary or Mr. and Mrs. Smith at parties, so even when couples are actually our own age, there's still this Voice of Eternal Instinct telling us: "You've said hi, that's enough. Go find someone your age to play with - oh, wait..." It's hard to know when that couple really wants you to go away, and when you just feel uncomfortable and are making the situation even more awkward in your head.
I do think there's pressure to have a SO, both in society and frankly, human nature. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but I still think everyone wants to be loved. Some more than others, but I think very few people don't ever look at other couples and wonder, don't ever wake up alone at night and think how nice it would be to have someone's arms to fall back to sleep in... humans were made to love. Sometimes human nature makes couples at parties act, okay, a little obnoxious. Other times, it makes singles uncomfortable over what was nothing more than a second of silence as the couple thought of what to say next.
Of course, there's ways to remedy the situation. When we go out to dinner for work, couples are often split up. Maybe it seems a little mean, but I think it works best when that happens. Last year we didn't manage to do that, and my coworker and his wife kept whispering to one another while other people were talking to them. And yet the previous years, when they weren't next to each other, they'd been more than pleasant. They are lovely people, but they are that couple who, when together, tend to forget there's an entire world around them.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 10:16 pm (UTC)I think there's definitely a big difference between not being social and being in "nobody else exists" mode. :) Honestly, I can see myself being with someone who, like me, isn't overly outgoing and has a small circle of friends - at the same time, the friends we have need to be a priority too.
The couple in your bookclub sounds extremely rude. I'm glad they stopped being invited.
and it often felt like we were intruding on their date. So annoying.
And that's what gets on my nerves. I know sometimes it probably is me, but I do think there's couples who act like you're being intrusive, which makes no sense to me. If the issue is that your SO doesn't want to be there, don't bring your SO.* If the issue is that you want to do more "couples things" that don't involve other people, don't even go to that thing. If you're just a clingy couple... well, we all have flaws, but we all have to work on them, right? Sigh.
* Or tell your SO to get over it, depending on the situation.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-10 07:14 am (UTC)