Writer's Block: Go it alone
Dec. 9th, 2009 07:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Not intentionally, but... well, the holidays beg for awkward social situations when you're single, because a lot of couples have this way of looking at you when you talk to them at, say, social holiday functions. Of course, I'm sure sometimes it's in our heads, at least a little - you know, we're taught from childhood that we shouldn't bother Aunt Mary and Uncle Gary or Mr. and Mrs. Smith at parties, so even when couples are actually our own age, there's still this Voice of Eternal Instinct telling us: "You've said hi, that's enough. Go find someone your age to play with - oh, wait..." It's hard to know when that couple really wants you to go away, and when you just feel uncomfortable and are making the situation even more awkward in your head.
I do think there's pressure to have a SO, both in society and frankly, human nature. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but I still think everyone wants to be loved. Some more than others, but I think very few people don't ever look at other couples and wonder, don't ever wake up alone at night and think how nice it would be to have someone's arms to fall back to sleep in... humans were made to love. Sometimes human nature makes couples at parties act, okay, a little obnoxious. Other times, it makes singles uncomfortable over what was nothing more than a second of silence as the couple thought of what to say next.
Of course, there's ways to remedy the situation. When we go out to dinner for work, couples are often split up. Maybe it seems a little mean, but I think it works best when that happens. Last year we didn't manage to do that, and my coworker and his wife kept whispering to one another while other people were talking to them. And yet the previous years, when they weren't next to each other, they'd been more than pleasant. They are lovely people, but they are that couple who, when together, tend to forget there's an entire world around them.
Not intentionally, but... well, the holidays beg for awkward social situations when you're single, because a lot of couples have this way of looking at you when you talk to them at, say, social holiday functions. Of course, I'm sure sometimes it's in our heads, at least a little - you know, we're taught from childhood that we shouldn't bother Aunt Mary and Uncle Gary or Mr. and Mrs. Smith at parties, so even when couples are actually our own age, there's still this Voice of Eternal Instinct telling us: "You've said hi, that's enough. Go find someone your age to play with - oh, wait..." It's hard to know when that couple really wants you to go away, and when you just feel uncomfortable and are making the situation even more awkward in your head.
I do think there's pressure to have a SO, both in society and frankly, human nature. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but I still think everyone wants to be loved. Some more than others, but I think very few people don't ever look at other couples and wonder, don't ever wake up alone at night and think how nice it would be to have someone's arms to fall back to sleep in... humans were made to love. Sometimes human nature makes couples at parties act, okay, a little obnoxious. Other times, it makes singles uncomfortable over what was nothing more than a second of silence as the couple thought of what to say next.
Of course, there's ways to remedy the situation. When we go out to dinner for work, couples are often split up. Maybe it seems a little mean, but I think it works best when that happens. Last year we didn't manage to do that, and my coworker and his wife kept whispering to one another while other people were talking to them. And yet the previous years, when they weren't next to each other, they'd been more than pleasant. They are lovely people, but they are that couple who, when together, tend to forget there's an entire world around them.
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Date: 2009-12-09 07:43 pm (UTC)Its not even that - it's in the human nature to want to be connected to someone on the very base levels - it's why we stick with family, its why we make friends - wanting a companion is in our very instincts.
I think society - most especially the entertainment that comes from our society - puts a lot of pressure on have a SO. And mostly on women. You see all this hailing of the bachelor, how it's the ultimate way to be if you're a twenty-something man, but almost always when you're shown the single woman she's desperate or depressed or just plain annoying. I think you can be proud to be single.
But it's really annoying when that cloying couple at next to you at dinner are acting like the "it" clique you thought you'd gotten rid of in high school.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 08:27 pm (UTC)I hate those couples, and Kevin and I always try not to be one of those couples (especially the extreme PDA couples that have no problem making out in front of others). We're not great at being social in general, but when it comes to my friends, we consciously avoid going into that "no one exists but us" mode. I knew a couple that was like this in my book club. They would show up and not talk to anyone but each other, so after a while the person who made the book club stopped inviting them because they never actually participated (didn't even finish the readings at times) and it often felt like we were intruding on their date. So annoying.
(no subject)
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Date: 2009-12-09 09:47 pm (UTC)I also think the media plays a big roll in our perception of the holidays. You never see the single person eating a TV dinner in front of the TV in a Christmas ad. We all want the "perfect" Christmas. It can be especially difficult for a single person because there is no SO or kids in the picture. Don't think that will change anytime soon, though.
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