Spinsterhood/Catladyhood

[author_by_night]

So apparently, Jennifer Aniston has declared that she is okay with being a "lonely single girl."

This is hardly the first time I've seen it declared that to be single is to naturally be lonely. I even read an article that suggested learning how to play one-person games and not being shy to order pizza for yourself, because of course nobody associates with the single girl. People see the single girl as forever alone, loveless and desperate.

Is there ever truth in that? Well, let me look at myself, a single girl headed for "spinsterhood." (Actually, I think the modern term is "cat lady." Because women with significant others hate cats.)

- I have a job that helps me pay for my basic needs.

- I have a supportive family, who I love.

- I have supportive friends, who I love.

- I'm generally happy with where I am.

Now, of course a man in my life would be nice. And I'm not going to lie, I've had guys I was interested in, and I've felt longing for a relationship. If I met a man this week and discovered we both had feelings for each other and both did not want to be apart, I'd gladly pursue something deeper. 

But why does every woman have to be in a relationship to be considered complete? Queen Elizabeth I defeated the Spanish Armada without a man. Back then, you had the choice of being married to a man and popping babies every year until you finally died in childbirth, or being unmarried and making history. I'd personally rather make history.

When two people find each other, a special bond is made. It's definitely something worth wanting for oneself. But it's not anything that should be an obligation, because platonic love counts for a lot - as does self-confidence.

Headed for spinsterhood/catladyhood? Eh, hopefully I'll find a man someday. But if not - I know I will be okay.

Comments

[vegablack62.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything that you have to say, but I would like to point out a difference between you and Jennifer Aniston. You are still in your twenties (am I right?) while Jennifer admits to being at least 40.

Many men when you are forty are either married, divorced with a lot of kids and baggage, have proven themselves to be too Psycho to trust or are so settled into being on their own that they are not willing to adapt to another person at all. This makes the prospect of not having a significant other for the rest of your life seem to be a real possibility. This becomes a big thing as you face truly getting old alone.


You are in a different world all together. Many men are not permanently attached, and are available, the Psychos haven't yet proven themselves to be permanently in this state so there is yet hope. You have a life of possibilities ahead of you. Jennifer sees her possibilities as waning.

Now I have to ask if that is true. Both my sisters married and had kids as they were approaching their forties. Marriage is still an opportunity but also as you pointed out she has a lifetime of possibilities ahead of her. One she seems to be only tentatively approaching.

My daughter is 27 and unattached. I see no reason to think that is anything worth being concerned about. In High Fidelity there's a character who says that to some people being 25 and alone is a reason to panic and believe that you will never be loved. I was forty when I saw that movie. I thought that statement was the most ridiculous I had ever heard.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

You are still in your twenties (am I right?) while Jennifer admits to being at least 40.

You're right, and you also have a good point. Still, I do know people who are that age and single and perfectly happy - yes, I'm sure they wish they had someone, and admittedly not everyone has platonic loved ones to realistically grow old with.

In High Fidelity there's a character who says that to some people being 25 and alone is a reason to panic and believe that you will never be loved.

Now, I get if they mean that those people might have literally nobody else, and as I said, there are people like that. Not everyone has friends or family they can rely on. But if those people do... no, it's not the same as having a significant other, but it surely doesn't make them alone.

[vegablack62.livejournal.com]

I agree that there are all sorts of people happily single at any age. Being single is much much better than being married to the wrong person too. People should remember that. The worst thing in the world is to be married to a controlling, bossy, or even violent person.

[scionofgrace.livejournal.com]

Word, word, word. I know two people younger than me (I'm not yet 30) who are on their second marriages. I would much rather be a never-married single than divorced.