Harry Potter in Two Minutes

[author_by_night]

Philosopher's Stone

Hagrid: Harry, you're a wizard.

Dumbledore: And I'm setting you up so you have to face your evil Potions Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

Hermione and Ron: We will bicker as we support you.

Harry: O_o

Chamber of Secrets

Ginny: Hey look, a diary that talks! Totally awesome and not at all creepy!

A bunch of kids, a cat and a ghost: *Are petrified*

Ron and Hermione: We'll still bicker as we support you. Until one of us is petrified.

Harry: ... why me?

Prisoner of Azkaban

Ron: Hermione and I are still bickering because in the movie version of this, she steals my noble moment.

Sirius: Harry, I am your Godfather.

Harry: NOOOO!

Sirius: But that's okay, unlike in Star Wars, I'm also the good guy.

Remus: See, we had a friend named Peter who was a bit of an emo.

Harry: ... WTF?

Goblet of Fire

Krum: *Crumbles hearts*

Fleur: *Flounces*

Hermione: *Is a last resort*

Ron: *Doesn't get it*

Cedric: *Drops dead*

The Wizarding World: *Is screwed*


Order of the Phoenix

Sirius: I'm mopey.

Umbridge: I'm happy.

Ginny: I've moved on. Sort of.

Ron and Hermione: We're still bickering. But also still support you.

Sirius: Hey Bellatrix, since you're a Death Eater, why don't you prove yourself?

Bella: Sure!

Sirius: No, what I meant was - oh crap.

Fandom: *Loses its shit*

Half-Blood Prince

Draco: I'm supposed to kill Dumbledore but I DON'T WANT TO!

Snape: I'm still morally ambiguous. Even as I kill Dumbledore.

Hagrid: I'm pretty much absent from this book.

Harry and Ginny: We've found one another at last! ... Kinda.

Ron and Hermione: We're still bickering. And making one another jealous. And still supporting you.

Remus and Tonks: We're canon!

Half of fandom: W00T!

Other half: ... DO NOT WANT.

The Deathly Hallows

JK Rowling: *Cackles evily*

Fandom: OMG SHE SAID BLOOD BATH!

Blood bath: *It is*

Ron and Hermione: The bickering is mostly one sided now. And still supporting you. Even if we do make out during the final battle.

Molly: BITCH!

Younger Reader: Mummy, what's a bitch?

Harry: ... can I have a normal life now?

Comments

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I remember how it exploded, but little did we know what was ahead.

I know, right? I love how it didn't even occur to many people that it was Sirius, though. And how I, at least, pshawed anyone who dared suggest it could be. And we definitely didn't think about the fact that Sirius wasn't even the worst to come!

The epilogue... hmm. Okay.

Trio and Ginny: *Were so supportive they all got married*

Potter Children: *Are named after dead people*

Teddy: *Is snogging Victoire Weasley, thus completing the OBHWF cycle*

50% of Fandom: SQUEE!

Other 50%: *Groan*

Remus, Tonks, Sirius, Fred, Dobby, Dumbledore: HEY WHAT ABOUT US?

[sea_thoughts]

Yay, thank you! :D

Teddy: *Is snogging Victoire Weasley, thus completing the OBHWF cycle*

AHAHAHAHA XD