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author_by_nightI have always been known for defending JK Rowling.
It seems, my friends, I erred.
In her books, there is not ONE mention of onions.
That's right. She leaves them out. Nobody is mentioned cutting onions, nobody has onion soup, nobody mentions onions at all.
onions are a symbol of God. They shape of the onion is, according to the Holy Grail, the shape of Our Lord God's Holy Head. That is why we cry when we cut an onion - our souls are crying, "God, I have sinned." So if someone cries while chopping Onions, they are sinners.
Back on topic, it is therefore evident that JK Rowling hates both onions and God.
It is also clear she hates people, too. Specifically, people who wear maroon clothing. Maroon has only gotten negative mentions in the books! She thinks all people who wear Maroon are unworthy and stupid.
JK Rowling, my friends, is aliumophobic and maroonophobic, not to mention the fact that she does not do her best to represent Christianity.
Don't let your children read her books, or they will become aliumophobic maroonophobic non-Christians too! Oh noes!
It seems, my friends, I erred.
In her books, there is not ONE mention of onions.
That's right. She leaves them out. Nobody is mentioned cutting onions, nobody has onion soup, nobody mentions onions at all.
onions are a symbol of God. They shape of the onion is, according to the Holy Grail, the shape of Our Lord God's Holy Head. That is why we cry when we cut an onion - our souls are crying, "God, I have sinned." So if someone cries while chopping Onions, they are sinners.
Back on topic, it is therefore evident that JK Rowling hates both onions and God.
It is also clear she hates people, too. Specifically, people who wear maroon clothing. Maroon has only gotten negative mentions in the books! She thinks all people who wear Maroon are unworthy and stupid.
JK Rowling, my friends, is aliumophobic and maroonophobic, not to mention the fact that she does not do her best to represent Christianity.
Don't let your children read her books, or they will become aliumophobic maroonophobic non-Christians too! Oh noes!
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Date: 2006-05-06 02:37 pm (UTC)And plus, it's not even TRUE. Harry has Onion Soup at the Burrow in HBP, chap. 4. =)
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Date: 2006-05-06 02:49 pm (UTC)She tapped the pot again; it rose into the air, flew toward Harry, and tipped over; Mrs. Weasley slid a bowl nearly beneath it just in lime to catch the stream of thick, steaming onion soup.
and
"I know, dear, but it's Ministry procedure, and I have to set an example. Something smells good... onion soup?"
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Date: 2006-05-06 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-06 04:12 pm (UTC)Neville Longbottom bought a large, evil-smelling green onion, a pointed purple crystal, and a rotting newt tail before the other Gryffindor boys pointed out that he was in no danger; he was a pure- blood, and therefore unlikely to be attacked. [CoS]
Rita stared at her. So did Harry. Luna, on the other hand, sang 'Weasley is our King' dreamily under her breath and stirred her drink with a cocktail onion on a stick. [OotP]
She tapped the pot again; it rose into the air, flew toward Harry, and tipped over; Mrs. Weasley slid a bowl nearly beneath it just in lime to catch the stream of thick, steaming onion soup. [HBP]
She thrust what appeared to be a green onion, a large spotted toadstool, and a considerable amount of what looked like cat litter into Ron's hands, finally pulling out a rather grubby scroll of parchment that she handed to Harry. [HBP]
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Date: 2006-05-06 04:31 pm (UTC)Never mind that you got proved wrong on the onion point; that was still funny.
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Date: 2006-05-06 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-06 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-06 05:46 pm (UTC)Aliumophobic is now my new favorite word!
Really, won't anyone think of those poor onions? *wibbles*
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Date: 2006-05-06 07:11 pm (UTC)she should burn.
speaking of crazy burning-people, have you seen slient hill.
wtf, bro.
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Date: 2006-05-06 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-06 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-06 07:54 pm (UTC)LOVE!!!
i hate JKR because she's never mentioned satan-worshippers...OMGdiscrimination!!!!
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Date: 2006-05-06 08:54 pm (UTC)I dare you to go post that at HP Essays. :)
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Date: 2006-05-07 03:49 am (UTC)You're wrong, because JKR is really holding out on the onions so it'll be a big plot twisty surprise in Book 7. She will revolutionize the way we see onions forever!
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Date: 2006-05-13 06:23 pm (UTC)Sorry. Stumbled in here through your latest essay. I hope the article you mentioned later didn't cause an enormous fuzz for the author who wrote it. I also hope no-one is seriously yammering abouthe..oh wait never mind. I am too lazy to find the link butthere was aguy on ablog who said she wasa pop culturenazi because there were no americans in her book.
And now I think I'll go while I can still laugh hysterically or else it'll turn into something else and I become sick.