How not to write a Mary Sue

[author_by_night]

An original character must never...

1. Smile or laugh as a response to something another character says. After all, happy characters mean characters that are too sickening.

2. Be of any relation to another character. After all, there has never been any indication that any of the characters in the books have brothers, sisters, parents, or children we have not met. Every character is parentless, childless, and siblingless. This stand helps avoid bad angst fics.

3. Date any canon characters. <strike>Sirius, Remus, Snape, Draco, Harry, Ron, and Dumbledore are all MINE!</strike>

4. Have blonde hair.  No flawed character in canon has had blonde hair.

5. Be a Gryffindor. Gryffindors are too perfect as it is, those well-tempered, level-headed goody two shoes!

6. Be a Dark Creature. Because, after all, everyone knows how loved Dark Creatures are.

7. Show remorse. We have never seen any strong characters show remorse.

8. Love someone. Love has never saved any heros in the book.

9. Fight in a battle. Because there's not, you know, a war going on in  the wizarding world or anything.

10. Be smart. Ignorance is bliss.

11. Have a rare gift for magic. Because, you know, having a gift for magic in a book about people having rare gifts of magic (often in different ways) is simply unheard of!

12. Have had an angst-worthy past. Because nobody in canon but Harry has - well, unless you count Sirius, Snape, Molly, Remus, Hagrid, Ginny, Draco, Neville...

Follow these guidelines! You'll do great!

(And chrysantza, I'm borrowing your Tonks icon, simply because it fits. :D)

Comments

[bribitribbit.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess Eris is a Mary Sue, then. :P

ajkfkjd;jfd;jf, these are great!

[kagome-sama.livejournal.com]

LOL this is wonderful :)

[h311ybean]

My OCs are guilty of almost everything in your list! Does this mean my Fanfic Author's License is going to get revoked???

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Hehe, according to some people!

[locked-door998.livejournal.com]

Hilarious!

[mafdet.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA! Love this! And I'm using the Ayla icon you made just because it's sooooo fitting.

[larilee.livejournal.com]

Let's also remember that all original characters have to be British or they are Sues. But they can't get previous Hogwarts students, current Hogwarts students, related to anyone else in the Harry Potter universe, not related to anyone else in the Harry Potter universe. And only original characters are ever Sues. I would write more, but I have to go back to reading the story where Hermione is actually the heir to all the Founders, Dumbledore's granddaughter, Harry's sister, and has come up with the newest, most complex magic of all that combines elemental sex magic with ballet and martial arts and classical piano. I suspect Harry is pregnant with Draco Malfoy's love child (because every young male in the Harry Potter universe is gay and fertile). Did I mention that Hermione just killed all the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort? It's such an exciting story and so canon based that it makes me awfully glad I'm not reading those Mary-Sues that you get when you read original characters.

Sorry, I think I crossed over the line between gentle humor and outright sarcasm.

You did an excellent job on this!

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D And so true - but I've actually seen people say they'd rather read "terribly OOC than a Mary Sue." People are not fond of OC's.

[larilee.livejournal.com]

I have found some sort of revenge because I write Snape/OFC romances or dramas for the most part. Lately, I've taken by pairing Snape with the little-known canon characters -- Hestia Jones and Emmeline Vance (and no, I'm not letting reports of her death phase me. I've got that covered).

I actually had one person congratulate me for using a canon character instead of a Mary Sue. Of course, the only thing known about Hestia Jones or Emmeline Vance can be summed up in a sentence. I think I will continue writing original characters under those names. :-) Who knows? Maybe they will become popular.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I like that - I actually have a whole backstory for Dorcas Meadowes, one that's definitely not canon, but interests me. Yet, I'm sure a lot of people would cry "Sue" upon reading it!

And Hestia/Snape? Hmm. Interesting. I actually thought of pairing her with Regulus.

[bambbles.livejournal.com]

I am actually a huge fan of Snape/Sinistra... i love the obscure pairings like that, maybe ill mosey on over and read some of your ff.

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Brilliant with the funny and gentle-snark. :-)

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

Here here! Loved it!

[bambbles.livejournal.com]

Brilliant job! I loved it! And oh so true...

[cats-are-snakes.livejournal.com]

Ok, this is hilarious and I'm friending you over it, unless you ask me not to.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

NOOO! DON'T FRIEND MEEE!

Of course you can friend me! :D I'll friend you right back.

And feel free to gack the icon! It's my friend Chrysantza's, though, so credit her to be safe.

[cats-are-snakes.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I'd like to gack your icon, too.

[airriphlyer.livejournal.com]

Of course not! What do you think I am, a not-horrible writer or something?! NEVER!

*giggle* These are sweet.

Oh, by the way, just stopping by to friend you.