Neither Here Nor There: Chapter Fifteen

[author_by_night]

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay in updates!

Title: Neither Here Nor There

Fandom: Harry Potter

Chapter: Fifteen

Rating: PG-13

Summary: It's been six months since the war, and everyone's ready to try moving on. Lyall Lupin and Andromeda Tonks are coming to terms with the death of their children, finding solace in one another - but how long can they stay close in the face of absence? Kingsley Shacklebolt is trying to lead a country that has been left bitter by war, so distrustful many even doubt him. And Hestia Jones is trying to harbor all she holds dear, which is hard when there's secrets she's never had the heart to reveal.

Hestia and Emmeline Vance walked out of the meeting together, not daring to speak until the door closed. Technically it wasn't over, but it had turned a shouting match between Sirius and Snape. Remus and Tonks had remained for reasons Hestia could not understand.

"They do like to carry on," Hestia told Emmeline.

Emmeline pursed her lips. "Yes. They were like that in school, too."

"You knew them at Hogwarts?"

"Of course. Not well, neither of them were in my House, but we interacted from time to time. I got to know Sirius a little better once we joined the Order."

"What was it like?" Hestia asked quietly. "The first time, I mean."

Emmeline rolled her eyes and motioned for Hestia to stop.

"Hold up," she began, "I see what you're trying to do. You want to be my friend."

Hestia wasn't sure what to say to that.

"I like you plenty," Emmeline continued, "but I'm not here to make friends, and you shouldn't be either. I wouldn't even stay too close to the ones you've already got in the Order, if I were you."

"What am I supposed to do, pretend we've never met?"

"We're not in a stamp collector club. We don't smile and exchange high-fives. You want to know what it was like the first time? You joined with some friends, made a few more, they died or lost their minds. That's what it was like then, and that's what it's going to be again."

"So we aren't allowed to be happy? That's really cynical, Emmeline "

Emmeline shrugged. "Not what I said. You fill empty spaces with other people. Your sister's not in the Order, go to her with all of your worries. Your other friends. Your family. Let somebody else's heart be broken."

"Hestia?"

Kingsley was looking at her strangely, and Hestia realized her hand was resting on the door of Shell Cottage. She didn't think she'd even knocked.

"Right," Hestia said with a nervous laugh.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Hestia lied.

It had been three days, and Hestia still felt out of sorts. It was almost like trying to get back to normal all over again.

Kingsley sighed. "No, honey, you're not. This was a mistake, let's go-"

"-I'm fine, Kingsley!" Hestia snapped.

She opened the door and let herself in Bill and Fleur's kitchen. Charlie, Bill and Fleur were setting the table.

"'estia! Kingsley!" Fleur kissed both of them on the cheek. Her stomach was getting bigger, but she was no less beautiful. Hestia hoped she'd be that lucky if she and Kingsley ever had a family.

"But power and wealth make you stupid. I think they made all
Ministers stupid."

"Not all," Hestia whispered.

Everyone was staring at her, as though they weren't sure what to say.

"Are you feeling better?" Fleur asked. She was the least guarded.

"Going back to work tomorrow," Hestia replied.

"Zat doesn't answer-"

"We can all sit now," Bill said loudly.

"I'll check on zee steak," Fleur said as she rushed past Hestia.

"Enough about me," Hestia said. "How are you?"

"Good. We have some news, but I'll wait until dinner."

"Well, you're already married, and Fleur's already pregnant..."

Bill grinned. "You'll know soon enough."

Charlie, meanwhile, was glancing at Hestia pensively.

"Can I ask you something?" Charlie asked.

"You've already begun," Hestia pointed out.

"Oh."

"Go ahead, I know people must have a million questions." Hestia just hoped the answer wouldn't take too long; the less time spent there, the better.

Charlie hesitated. "So you were with Tonks and Bill and I, except we were all still teenagers, right?"

"Yes. I'd rather not be too specific..."

"Of course. I just wondered if there was anything unusual one of us was doing."

"Not really, except a strange story about a dragon," Hestia replied. "Some of the conversations, some of the people who shouldn't have been there, but... it was as normal as a dream would be."

Charlie was surveying Hestia. "I see. So Tonks was... we weren't...."

Hestia was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "What are you trying to ask me?"

"Nothing! I just wondered..."

Hestia was struggling to remain calm. "Wondered what, Charlie? You do understand it wasn't like a Pensieve, right? Tonks wasn't our Tonks. She was - it was a leithfold pretending to be her."

"I know that," Charlie said quickly.

"So if you know that, why are you asking me these things? Has it not occurred to you that I'm trying to move past it?"

Charlie's neck was growing red. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"-no. You shouldn't have."

"Dinner's ready!" Fleur announced loudly.

But Hestia didn't eat, instead listening to her friends lapse into conversation. Even Kingsley. How could they do it so easily? How had she done it so easily?

"-a girl," Fleur was saying. It took Hestia a minute to realize she was announcing the baby's gender.

"I didn't even know St. Mungo's did that," Kingsley said.

"We decided to try the muggle way," Bill explained. "You should've seen Dad's face when we showed him the sonogram."

"A what?"

"It a picture of a baby while it's in your stomach."

"How do you act like things are so normal?" Hestia blurted.

"What?"

"I mean, Bill, you barely seem affected at all," she said. "You had your wedding on the day of the Ministry coup. Doesn't that eat you alive?"

"Hestia," Kingsley said in a warning voice.

Hestia held up her hand. "Don't 'Hestia' me. Bill, answer my question. How do you stomach it?"

"I suppose I look at the good things."

"Like how I couldn't even come because I had to take care of the Dursleys?"

"You told us you understood..."

"As though I meant it," Hestia snorted.

"It wasn't perfect. But it was important to us."

"You never talk about Fred," Hestia continued.

Kingsley stood and pulled Hestia up quickly. "We're going. Bill, Fleur, thank you for the -"

But Hestia had pushed Kingsley away. "What am I, your Ministry trophy wife? Do any of you even know what I really need?"

"I think about him every single day," Bill hissed. "I think about all of it every single day. Don't you dare mistake my attempts at building a new life for not caring or... or whatever it is you think it is. You're the one who's pretending."

"I'm pretending? You're married to a snotty woman who doesn't give a damn about anything!"

Fleur threw down her plate, causing glass and meat to spread across the floor. For a minute, Hestia thought she was going to hex her. Instead, Fleur ran past them.

"Fleur!" Bill called. He looked back at Hestia with an angry glare.

"Get out of my house now. If that's what you think of us, I don't want you here."

Hestia stormed out of the cottage, only to be pulled aside by Kingsley.

"What was that?" He demanded.

"I think that was me losing more people," Hestia said. "It's better that way, Emmeline always said. Okay, once said. She and Remus were right."

"Are you kidding?"

"We'd all have been better off alone. Now if you don't mind, there's somewhere I need to be."

"Hestia!"



Lyall woke from his second nap to a knock at his door.

"Lyall?"

It was Andromeda's voice. Again. The voice he wanted the least. The voice he needed the most. The voice that made him angry for that need.

"Lyall, it's me."

He'd told her he'd gone away. Why hadn't she believed him?

Besides, she'd interrupted his dream. The dream where he was still there. The world he'd gotten himself out of. Perhaps he should have replaced himself with Harry.

"Teddy misses you."

It's been three days. Besides, it's one less little boy to let down.

"I know you're not really on holiday."

Yes, I am. You wouldn't understand.

"Don't make me use alohomora."

You won't.

She didn't.


Hestia wasn't sure why she'd chosen to go to Grimmauld Place. But here she was, entering the cold hallway.

It had been where the egg had cracked, and the Phoenix was reborn. There were terrible memories here, but some nice ones. Maybe Bill had a point...

Bill. Shit.

"Hello?" A voice called. Hestia froze, and held her breath; but to her relief, Harry emerged from a doorway.

"Oh," she said. "It's you."

"I was going to say the same. What brings you here?"

Hestia shrugged. "Why are you here?"

Harry also shrugged.

"Same reason, then," Hestia said wryly.

"I reckon so."

Hestia looked around. "I can't believe this place is still here."

"It's not the same place. I've tried to fix it up. But maybe it's something different to me than what it is to you," Harry added.

"I don't know what it is to me," Hestia said. "A good place, where we rose in the face of adversity? A representation of the horrible things that happened? Is it lukewarm?"

"I like lukewarm."

Hestia smiled. "Lukewarm it is, then."

"But it's not all bad to me, either," Harry said. "Sirius hated it, but... I've seen the little things he did to defy his family. And he kept a letter from my Mum. I'd never seen her writing before. Also, I think it's where I fell in love with Ginny, though I didn't know it at the time."

Harry looked abashed at how much he'd let onto, yet pleased at the same time.

"Where is Ginny, anyway?" Hestia asked.

"We haven't spoken much since..." Harry cleared his throat. "We had an argument. Apparently she's worried I'll leave again. At least, that's what the leithfold said."

"Sometimes you can't help it," Hestia told him. "It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. But can you blame her, after everything that happened?"

"Can I blame her for thinking I'd want more time without her? Yes."

"It's not that simple," Hestia said. "You can believe you're with the most wonderful, bravest man in the world and still have irrational fears. Concetta Fudge told me he was a good man once, and... look how that turned out. Now I'm worried Kingsley's going to turn into that, and I hate myself for it and think he deserves better."

"You really think Kingsley's going to be Fudge?"

"Of course I don't really think that. It's just... when you've been through hell..."

"It's easy to think hellish thoughts."

"Exactly."

Harry paused. "If it's any comfort, we wouldn't let him turn into Fudge, even if he were going to. I don't reckon Fudge had much honour or dignity to begin with; he had to earn it, and went the wrong way about it. Same with Scrimegour. Kingsley has honour and dignity. He'll be fine."

"I know." But it was comforting to hear it from someone else.

"And I know Ginny's got a point," Harry added. "I could've handled some things differently before. A lot of things, really."

"I know that feeling," Hestia said. "I think I just lost two of my friends. Maybe three. And Kingsley's probably convinced I'm bonkers."

"What happened?"

"I told Bill he didn't care, told Fleur she never cared, and bit Charlie's head off before that. But it's like I said to Kingsley, maybe I'm better off..."

"...without them?"

"Well, who are we kidding? We're scraps from something that was, but is no longer. Maybe it's time to move on."

"Oh, it is," Harry said, "but I don't think that's how it works."

"Then how does it work?"

"Don't look at me, I'm still working that part out."

Hestia laughed. "Why don't we take notes and compare them later?"

"Sounds good to me. Seriously, though," Harry added, "I've seen people try and estrange themselves. It doesn't do much good, just causes more hurt on both ends. Sometimes you've gotta take that Horcrux off your neck and destroy it."

"Horcrux... neck... what?"

"Long story."

Hestia shook her head "There's a lot of things about you that we'll never know, aren't there?"

"You could say that."

Harry checked his watch. "I should go home... I've got an early shift tomorrow."

"Floo Ginny," Hestia told him. "She's sorry."

"It's okay. He understands."


Two school children had tripped Kingsley with a jump rope, and laughed when he fell on the curb. He'd had an unpleasant morning Floo meeting with the Australian Minister for Magic. And to top it off, he hadn't had a chance to speak with Hestia.

As though she'd read his mind, Hestia came bursting into his office. Just as she'd opened her mouth, Percy also walked in.

"We need to talk," they said at the same time.

Hestia and Percy looked at one another.

"You go," Kingsley told Percy.

Percy was holding what seemed to be thirty rolls of parchment. He looked pensive as he walked up to Kingsley's desk.

"I realize I am not due back for another two months," he said, "but I have something that is not easy for me to say. Two things - the first is good news, and is on a purely social basis." He beamed happily. "I have made up with Audrey, and we are working towards being a stronger couple than ever."

"I'm glad to hear it," Kingsley said. "She's a nice girl."

Percy's face returned to a more grave expression. "But in this time of reconciliation, I realized there were other choices to be made. Much has changed over past few years. I have not been true to myself most of my time in this office. I have not lost sleep over such matters; still, it is something that has crossed my mind, and as I rebuild my relationships, I realize there's things I've never considered because I was so focused on one certainty, which is now a greater uncertainty, and has been for some time."

"What are you talking about?"

Percy put the rolls of parchment on Kingsley's desk. "Last week, I was offered a position at the Department of Magical Transportation. I have decided to accept this position."

"Percy..."

"It was a hard decision to make. But it's for the best."

"Very - well," he said. "I'll miss you."

"Likewise. We will keep in touch, I assume?"

"Absolutely."

"You might advise your current assistant not to let two people just stroll in here, though."

"That might be a good idea."

Percy shook Kingsley's hand. "It's been an honour, Minister - Kingsley. I suppose we're now on a first name basis."

"We always were."

"One more thing," Percy continued. "You're the best Minister I ever - the only Minister I ever worked for."

Hestia's eyes widened, and her hand covered her mouth. Kingsley felt a lump in his throat as Percy closed the door.

Comments

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

This was really good, especially the ending!

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[mollywheezy.livejournal.com]

This is such an excellent chapter! People do tend to strike out at those they care about the most during difficult times.

Your lines . . . "When you've been through hell it's easy to think hellish thoughts" Brilliant and oh so true.

Oh Percy.

Excellent chapter!!!

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thank you!