Married/Single/Mommy/Childless Friends

[author_by_night]

So the internet has been talking about this for a while now - friends with kids versus friends who don't have them, single friends versus married friends, etc. We get videos like this, where Moms woefully explain why they can't talk to their childless friends anymore, and corresponding comments saying those Moms are selfish.

I don't have kids, but I have friends who are married and/or have kids, and yeah, your friendship changes. I'd argue, however, that if your day-to-day life works differently than a friend's, it can be hard to get them (however well-meaning) to really understand why regardless of the reason. I worked full time while I was in college, and my classmates would be all, "hey, let's do this at 2 PM on a Tuesday!" Seriously? Sometimes I haven't even had a chance to eat lunch yet. The real world isn't a 90's sitcom where you can sit around a cafe all day and still have a job. 9:30 PM, then? Are you kidding? I wake up at six tomorrow morning.

But enough talking from me. Let's examine both sides and the crazy things they assume about one another. With pop culture references, because they're like, awesome.



What your married friends think you do for fun:




What your single friends think you do for fun:




How your married friends think you see children:



How your single friends think you see children:




How your married friends read your Facebook posts:






How your single friends read your Facebook posts:





What you think your married friend just said:



What you think your single friend just said:






Of course, it's only natural - look at what you thought adulthood would be.





And what you think youth is like now:




See? Milkshake's always sweeter, pants always fit better.. and friends will always miss each other. In more ways than one.

Comments

[arctic-comet.livejournal.com]

It's true that things like having kids or getting married can change friendships.

I can't say me getting married changed anything in particular because I've been with the same guy since high school and lived with him several years before getting married. The change already happened when we started dating all those years ago; I started to feel left out by my best friends. They did stuff together but never even asked me to go with them because they thought I'd be busy with my boyfriend. That felt pretty bad.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

That's lousy. :(

[arctic-comet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it sucked but these days two of those three friends live with their respective boyfriends so in that regard we probably understand each other better now. And they don't leave me out of their activities anymore.

[lynn82md.livejournal.com]

I'm a strange individual. I never thought anything has changed between my friends and I because of marriage as well as children. I also don't pay attention much to how I think how my friends who are married, single, childless (or childfree if they never want kids ever), and parents should be. I guess the reason for my lack of expectations and not giving it much thought is similar to when you asked about women wearing pants to a wedding almost.

The reason is I just don't think about it because I'm a strong individualist. I vehemently believe in the philosophy of "Live & Let Live" where I let people live the lives they want to live while I live mine the way I live (which does factor into individualism a lot impo). Then, with individualism itself...I believe that everyone is different in their own unique and special way, so I don't expect them to go along what the rest of society expects of them if they are a particular martial status as well as have kids or not.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I think some people make a bigger deal out of the "my friends have kids/don't have kids" thing than need be, hence this post. You're right that everyone IS different, and in a different situation regardless of what the situation is. Not to mention ideas of fun. I have time to go to clubs on the weekends... it's just not something I enjoy doing.

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

That really is interesting, and it is true that getting married and/or having kids can change friendships.

[white-serpent.livejournal.com]

I don't think things changed very much with marriage among my friends. Children, though... I don't think there's any aspect of my life that remains unaffected by my toddler. I'm hoping that gets better as he gets older, but I don't have much faith that it will.