How not to address or refer to people with disabilities or disorders

[author_by_night]

1. "When I see people in wheelchairs, I realize just how small my problems are."

I'm pretty sure people in wheelchairs also have payments they need to make, quarrels with family members, and bad hair days.

2. "People with disabilities make me cry when I see them."

Really? Every time you see someone with glasses or a broken leg, you start sobbing uncontrollably?  Oh right, that would be condescending and a little creepy.

3. "Joey is a special blessing from Jesus."

Joey has made great strides in spite of his many obstacles. But we're still mostly focusing on the obstacles themselves, because that's more empowering.

4. "I'm so glad my kids are normal."

I hate to break it to you, but don't think for a moment that they're not going to take a direction you never had in mind for them. There's no "normal" in the real world, especially when it comes to kids. Would you ever want someone to tell you they're glad they don't have the children you love dearly? To use them as an example of the family they're so glad not to be part of? Didn't think so.


5. "Think of it this way: Your child has gone to Holland."

I'm not sure what's more offensive here, kids with disabilities being referred to as second tier, or Holland being referred to as second tier.

Just had to say this in light of some things I keep being stupid enough to read, knowing it'll tick me off.

Comments

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I don't even understand that last one. Your child has gone to a nation with an enviable record of social justice, thriving economy and bike paths I would kill for? HOW is that bad? Let's not even mention the museums, architecture and amazing fashion scene. (I am assuming they really mean The Netherlands, but province for country if they actually meant Holland.)

Why are people such bananas?

Though I admit, People with mullets make me cry when I see them. But that's because I am an appalllng snob.

[kakeochi-umai.livejournal.com]

The last one is referring to this (http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html). And dude, I REALLY want to visit the Netherlands.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think that was written by someone who had been to neither Italy nor the Netherlands!

(And yeah, if you're a cyclist, it's like heaven!)

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

What's depressing is that it was written by someone whose son has Down Syndrome. In some ways I guess that makes it better, at least she's coming from somewhere, but in other ways it's worse because of how... patronizing it is towards people like her son.

[doriscrockford2.livejournal.com]

OMG, that essay is horrible. The whole idea of pining after what you "deserve" instead marvelling at what you have drives me crazy.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I think it's often taken as being about accepting your child for who they are, and maybe that was the original intent, but that's not how it comes across and and also get the sense it's also supposed to be desolate and pining for what should have been. Who exactly is that supposed to help?

[doriscrockford2.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I am so sorry for this child, any child, who doesn't fit exactly their parents' expectations and has parents who refuse to see it was their expectations which were faulty, not the child.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

Very well expressed.
Seriously, some people's attitudes about disabilities make me cringe, no matter how well-intentioned...or not.

[akashasheiress.livejournal.com]

1 and 3 are also known as ''inspiration porn'': http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-07-03/young-inspiration-porn/4107006

[leafrider.livejournal.com]

Interesting article. Inspiration porn - new one on me, but it fits.

[akashasheiress.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being impressed with a person with disabilities doing well,* but it's demeaning to use someone's existence solely as a source of inspiration to yourself, in my opinion.

*As in, marveling in general at what humans can adapt to.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Yes, agreed. You can be inspired by someone's actions and accomplishments without reducing them to a single label.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've read that article - the photo used made my jaw drop, and made it drop again just now. D: All I see is a cute kid - not because she's disabled, but because when I see kids I tend to go "aww cute." She does have a disability. And probably a better attitude than people making themselves feel better by saying stupid things like that.

I like the term "inspirational porn."

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

Guh, some people's attitudes about disabilities makes my skin crawl, even if it's with good intentions.

[blpurdom.livejournal.com]

Okay, I have to ask: What the hell have you been reading? None of these make any sense!

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

A variety of places... the main thing was that I read an online news article about a good deed done for a family of a disabled boy, and the comments were distastefully patronizing. But I've seen it on Facebook, I've heard other people say it... it's incredible what people think they can say, and I don't mean good incredible.