The most inoffensive internet post in the world (... almost)

[author_by_night]

So apparently I've offended people on the internet. This is serious, guys. Really, really serious. I should realize that people on the internet mustn't be expected to actually read things before reacting, or read them carefully anyway.

So here's a well-worded version of everything I want to say right now. No offense.

Even though I love dogs, I have a cat. It isn't that I don't like dogs, because I do like dogs, even small dogs that could be mistaken for cats. Not that this is a slight against small dogs or small people. Small dogs and short people are awesome. But of course, so are big dogs and tall people. Medium sized dogs and medium sized people are also very good. Because I like everyone. There is no animal I don't like. I also like plants. I love plants. Please don't think I don't love you, tree outside my bedroom window! I LOVE YOU! I also love the sky and the clouds and that big, big moon. It's just that when I went to the animal shelter, they happened to have cats. So that's what I ended up getting. I got my cat because she was the most gentle - nothing against the cats that weren't gentle, our personalities just went together better. Not that my personality doesn't mean I don't like all sorts of cats and people and plants and rocks and moon cycles.


.... oops I forgot to mention I love fruit. Now I've offended fruit lovers. :(

Comments

[nundu-art.livejournal.com]

tee-hee! Now I'm offended because you're so non-offensive.

[secondmezzanine.livejournal.com]

LOL. I love it.

[daintress.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

[annissamazing]

Hrm?

[quinns-crossing.livejournal.com]

I'm a cat person, but I don't dislike dogs. In fact, I melted into a puddle of tears when a friend's German Shepherd died suddenly last month.

Here's the rub: I only like big and medium-sized dogs. I find the little yappy dogs annoying. Oh, and I think pit bulls are ugly, but I don't hate them. Just some of their owners.

So I've offended some certain dogs lovers in the second paragraph.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I like both cats and dogs. I had a cat because I didn't think she'd be as high maintenance as a dog, although I've discovered in some ways they're even more work - because everything has to be specific. If I fed my dog just anything, she was happy. She ate everything, actually. My cat? Oh hell no; she'll decide she just doesn't like something anymore. I love my cat dearly, but they're definitely high maintenance in their own way! :) OTOH, I don't have to walk her or try and get her outside. (We do let her out, but only with supervision - she's so not meant to be an outdoor cat, and I'm too much of a worrywart to do that anyway.)

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

I have three dogs of varying sizes and three cats. I would fuck their shit up for eternity.

[heartlines.livejournal.com]

LOL love this post.
I mean I am the most "trying to be non-offensive" person in this world haha, but even I think there's a point where it gets ridiculous.