Bad Fic in Five Minutes or Less

[author_by_night]

Inspired by bookaminute.com.

 

 

Bad Remus/Tonks Fic in Five Minutes or Less

Remus: *Has his head in a pillow, and is sobbing loudly.*

Molly: *Passing Remus’s room with Arthur* I offered him a piece of cake, but he started wailing that when Sirius was arrested, he’d threatened to set a piece of cake on fire and throw it at  him, and that he regrets it now!

Arthur: Oh, poor Remus. He doesn’t have it easy; now all he has left are his five fingers, which he named after all the loved ones who have died. *Goes down the stairs with Molly*

Tonks: *Begins to walk in the room, and falls* OWIE!

Remus: WAHHHH!!!!!

Tonks: *Gets up* Wotcher, Remus. Are you still crying? What happened?

Remus: *Lifts head up* The LAST of my school FRIENDS is GONE.

Tonks: …. Who?

Remus: S-SIRIUS! *Starts wailing so hard the house shakes*

Tonks: Er, who? Oh, the weird long lost relative of mine?

Remus: *Nods*

Tonks: Oh… *falls over again, this time without moving.*

Remus: *Is upset, but still chivalrous, and helps her up.*

Tonks: *Wipes away a tear* It’s all okay, Remy. I’m here to save you from all emerging evil, even if the author has made me a ditz.
Remus: *Stares for a moment, then starts snogging her*

Tonks: *Snogs back*

 

 

Phineas Nigellus (in the picture frame): Oh, get a ROOM already.

*The End*

 

 

Bad Marauder Era Fic in Five Minutes or Less

Year one

Sirius: I am Sirius Bad-arse Black, man.

Remus: I’m Remus Lupin, and I cry myself to sleep every night over my being a *mumbleolf.*

Peter: I’m Peter, the tagalong.

James: Dude, I’m, like, JAMES.

Snape: You are, like, SO idiotic.

Sirius, James: *Throw five hexes at once with one wand flick*

Snape: *Ducks, runs, and swears to steal Lily Evans from James, even though he has no way of knowing who she is.*

Peter: *Drools*

Year Two

Sirius: Remus, are you a Werewolf?

Remus: …. Yep.

Everyone: COOL!

 

Year Three

James: Let’s become animagi!

Sirius: Woohoo!

Peter: If you’re doing it, I’ll play along.

Remus: *Headdesk*

 

Year Four

Lily: *Wakes up dreaming she’s holding a kid screaming for his life* Hmm, could this be foreshadowing?

Roommate: Go back to sleep.

 

Year Five

MWPP: *Become MWPP*

Lily: James is a hothead.

Snape: Lily, want to go out with me?

Lily: No.

Snape: Fine. I’ll become a Death Eater.

Lily: Whatever. James, you’re a hothead!

Snape: MUDBLOOD!

Lily: …. I’m so hurt. Get a life.

 

Year Six

Lily: *Wakes up from another dream, runs into the boy’s dormitory and sobs into James’s lap*

James: Ooh, I like this.

Sirius: Hey James, I attempted murder tonight.

James: WHATYOUIDIOT! *Runs off to be a martyr*

Peter: *Decides to become a Death Eater, as they’d have left Snape to die*

 

Year Seven

Lily & James: *Declare their love*

Snape: *Becomes a DE*

Peter: *Becomes a DE*

Sirius: *Celebrates dinner with the 600^th classmate he’s slept with*

Remus: *Cries for one reason or another*

1981

Remus: *Packs up and goes to live in a cave as a hermit for the next 12 years*

 

 

Comments

[mysticblueside.livejournal.com]

ksjdasjdlkjaslkdjkajkd!

Amen to that. I especially enjoyed:

Sirius: I am Sirius Bad-arse Black, man.

Remus: I’m Remus Lupin, and I cry myself to sleep every night over my being a *mumbleolf.*

Peter: I’m Peter, the tagalong.

James: Dude, I’m, like, JAMES.


And

Tonks: Oh… *falls over again, this time without moving.*

Perfect! Ah, isn't it just so fun to spoof people? ;)

[talimeeka.livejournal.com]

James: Dude, I’m, like, JAMES.
*falls over laughing*

[abbers44.livejournal.com]

kjhkljghjdfgsfdsgdhgfdghshgfhj

Funniest. Bad Fics. Ever.

*dead*

[dancing-kumquat.livejournal.com]

Arthur: Oh, poor Remus. He doesn’t have it easy; now all he has left are his five fingers, which he named after all the loved ones who have died.

As funny as this is, I still feel bad for him.

Lily: *Wakes up dreaming she’s holding a kid screaming for his life* Hmm, could this be foreshadowing?
Roommate: Go back to sleep.


a;ljgflkgd;s

[moonlinnet.livejournal.com]

dfaskjfhlajshdfgwlaiuehisj

You are a genius.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks, but not really, just been overexposed to this fandom for way too long. ;)

[cl1ffhanger.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHHAHA.

so clever.

[katieowrites.livejournal.com]

Hee!