That's so...

[author_by_night]

When I was in middle and high school, I mentored and/or helped disabled students on several occasions, some of whom were mentally retarded. In other words, "mentally retarded." I also had a few friends with learning disabilities that, while minor, did make them very "different."

The shit the students I mentored and my friends went through was awful. They were taken advantage of their "friends", they had their lockers broken as a sick "joke", and moreover, they were shunned. You weren't supposed to talk to them, you weren't supposed to know them, and even half the kids in Best Buddies pretended not to know them most of the time. (Not all of them - one of my friends was the Vice President in our school's chapter, and she went out of her way to include them in things. But most of the kids in Best Buddies took it as some sort of resume deal.) 

It doesn't end in school. People with learning disabilities are taken advantage of all their lives, in group homes, by "loved ones", by strangers looking for a laugh.

That is why I get very, very irritated when I hear people say "retard" or "retarded" to mean something stupid, bad, etc. Especially when the "retard" in question said something mean or ignorant.

Don't get me wrong - I'm sure that most people who say those words don't mean it that way. I know a lot of people who are very nice and use those terms. But that doesn't make it any less offensive to many people.

Not really sure what the point of this post is, except... I feel like if I complain about people using the word without explaining, I look like one of those people who dreams up reasons to be offended. And maybe I am one of those people just by posting this, but I really don't think I'm the only one bothered by the constant use of that term.

So this is me explaining why I personally find terms like "retard" and "retarded" extremely offensive.

Comments

[kennytrent.livejournal.com]

hmm...this post reads very familiar....

*lightbulb* oh yeah! Because I wrote a very similar one here
http://kennytrent.livejournal.com/73963.html

:P

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

... almost exactly a year ago! That's actually kind of creepy. It's funny though because I did think, wait, didn't I just post about this? (And internet time doesn't work like RL time, so in a way, I did. Just in a comment as opposed to an entry.)

[akashasheiress.livejournal.com]

Agreed!

[parsimonia.livejournal.com]

Totally agree. I've got into so many arguments with people over this, but the bottom line is that using "retarded" as a generic insult/negative descriptor, is basically saying that people who are mentally retarded can, as a group, be used as shorthand for any number of things which are deemed bad. And that is so fucking dehumanizing and discriminatory.

You should check out the ableist word profile, there's a lot of interesting info about words and phrases that are often insulting and derogatory about people with disabilities.

[bemkah.livejournal.com]

I think it might be a cultural thing as well, the use of 'retard' or 'retarded' to mean bad. It's a lot more offensive to use that term in Britain than it is to use it in the US or Australia, for instance. People who are 'mentally retarded' aren't even called that in the UK generally - they're often referred to as mentally handicapped or disabled. Which I think is a much better term myself, even though those words can be considered to be offensive themselves.

I don't think you're dreaming up reasons to be offended - whenever people use the term 'gay' to mean bad, or 'homo' to mean weird, I find myself feeling offended even though I'm not gay myself. And the whole 'retarded' thing offends me also.

[timeofnoreply.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying, and I can respect why you, personally, don't like the word. But in all honesty, I'm probably not going to stop using it. However, I would like to point out that being retarded is a bad thing, and not something anyone would ever aspire to.

[nundu-art.livejournal.com]

Just because it is something to which no one would aspire, why do you consider it an appropriate expression? It is cruel and insensitive. Every time you use the term you are demeaning people who have absolutely no control over their situation.

By saying such things you are showing yourself to be immature. I hope you grow out of it because such 'cutesy' phrases (ie 'that's so gay', 'that's retarded', etc.) in the work place can and will get you fired eventually.

(frozen)

[timeofnoreply.livejournal.com]

I comport myself quite well in the workplace, and I will thank you to not make presumptions about that.

I'm a raging dyke, by the way. Hope that didn't offend you, me using that term on myself.

(frozen)

[nundu-art.livejournal.com]

I was not making presumptions, I was stating the way it is in the modern workplace.

As to your self description, the raging part was quite obvious. As to your sexual preferences, I don't see why it's under discussion. I don't discuss my sex life with strangers and I don't expect anyone else to either. I'm offended by the saying 'that's so gay', because like 'that's retarded', it demeans people and situations over which they have no control. I also don't like hearing people call one another idiots, for the very same reason.

[fluffernutter8.livejournal.com]

As a sister to an eight year old boy with Down syndrome, people using "retarted" as an insult is insulting to me.

This post, 100 percent, all the way.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

A friend of a friend has Rhett's Syndrome (I know I'm spelling that wrong), and she's severely mentally challenged and in a wheelchair. I can't imagine how much it must tick both of you off to hear the word.

[13oct.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you on this. I also hate terms like 'that's so gay' or 'you're looking like a special ed kid'. People use your brains please for the love of god!!

[katzpajamas.livejournal.com]

I have a cousin who's mentally handicapped--we were really close as kids. I admit I haven't seen him in a while since he moved cross-country, but I still remember him fondly.

I have come to find that some of the sweetest and most caring people are those who are mentally disabled. They should be given respect and dignitary just like anyone else, not scorn.

[sea_thoughts]

I feel the same way about people using the word 'gay' to mean something stupid or bad or wrong. I DON'T CARE IF YOU 'DON'T MEAN IT IN THAT WAY', IT ALL LEADS BACK TO THE SAME THING.

[nundu-art.livejournal.com]

AMEN!!!! (See my above reply to the person who feels it's okay)

[nundu-art.livejournal.com]

My major concern is that in this day and age we seem to have made very little progress in the field of belittling people by demeaning their situations. Every time someone calls some thing 'retarded' or 'gay' they are slapping the face of every person who is either. The retarded and gay people in this world have just as much right to respect as anyone else and more than those who use those labels as insults. My life would be far poorer if I did not know and love my many, many gay friends and the varied 'retarded' people I have known through my life.