Harry Potter? That was the kid with the funky scar I used to read about, right?

[author_by_night]

(This post contains spoilers for the Harry Potter books.)

Your Friends Are Not Watching the Same Show As You...

I think that the point is a valid one.

Last year, my Harry Potter friends and I were obsessive with - well, of course, Harry Potter. A Harry Potter movie trailer required as much attention as a tornado warning. "Kelsey's Shack" made us think "LOL Kingsley Shacklebot!" (Actually, the latter is almost a little too obsessive...)

But siriusly seriously, my point is, at one point... it didn't take much for us to talk about, think about, obsess over Harry Potter.

 Now, however, the books are over, and  things are different. There's the people still holding on, half hoping there will, someday, be another wizarding world related work from Jo. There's the people who still like the books enough, but who have moved on to greater pastures. 

I think that it's been hard for people to accept certain things. Myself included, to be honest. After all...  think of it like this: you graduated high school with a bunch of friends, and then you went off to college. When you got together again in June, you realized things were different now. Your new roommate may have gotten you into fantasy baseball, but your High School buddies stared at you like you're insane when you mention it. Or maybe your one friend still wanted to watch Rocky Horror like you always do, but you realized you're just not that interested anymore.

I think that it is important to accept the following:

1. Not everyone wants to hold on. Some things stick for people; other things don't. I'm obsessed with Harry Potter still, but I've read other series where when the books ended... so did my obsession. There was no need for me to theorize or analyze anymore. I feel TDH left a lot of open holes for me to try and fill with fanfic and theories and analysis, and a lot of my flist would say the same - but a lot of people stopped needing that.

2. However, some people still ARE going to hold on. There is nothing wrong with those of us who still love the books and still analyze them. We know the series is over, but that's not going to stop us from still  being obsessive.

3. It's okay to be in between 1 and 2. One can still be inwardly obsessed about something and still have stopped  analyzing it. Heck, there's tons of books I've long outgrown and/or gotten over, but that still have a special place in my heart.

4. Not everyone is going to follow you to your new fandoms. You might love Doctor Who, but your best fandom friend thinks Doctor Who is the world's most ridiculous show ever made. Your friend has not died. She has not become a Dalek. She just isn't going to share all of your interests. Instead of mourning, focus on the stuff you DO still have in common. And if she really is your closest friend... there's probably a lot more to your relationship than sharing the same fandom(s).

Let's go back to the high school example I used earlier. People do change; and you're not going to necessarily be able to stay as close with all your friends. But if you learn to enjoy what's still there, and even some of the new things... you'll find that sometimes, it's okay.

Comments

[nore-fortuna.livejournal.com]

I have #4 currently, a friend finds Heroes utterly stupid and I like it. We're still friends.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Yeah. :) It really isn't an issue most of the time, unless someone makes it an issue OR unless there really isn't anything outside of shared fandoms.

[scarlett71177.livejournal.com]

I think the only time it's an issue is when someone else is set on ruining your fun (or if you're set on spoiling theirs). I think it's also pretty commonly perceived that just because you've moved on and aren't spending as much time with one fandom or another that you 'hate it' or 'deserted it', but perhaps you're disappointed, you've said everything you have to say, or you're tired of the cold shoulder.

Sometimes we grow apart, and that's OK. You might see that 'high school friend' once and a while and say hi and catch up, but that's enough for another 6 months or so (and some people it's enough for forever! Take that from someone who went to their 10 year reunion.) Changing: it's all part of growing up.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I think it's also pretty commonly perceived that just because you've moved on and aren't spending as much time with one fandom or another that you 'hate it' or 'deserted it',

There definitely is that assumption. I do think sometimes it's correct, but - well, even then you can look to your real life examples. Sometimes it is malicious, and you need new friends who don't ditch you because they're not into that fandom anymore; other times, you need to give them a break, because while they're in new fandoms it doesn't mean they've deserted you. They just found something fresh.

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

Corollary of sorts to the 'ruining fun': not only can it mess up a friendship if A deprecates B's fandom, it's also a bad thing if B continues talking about the fandom constantly to A despite a polite request not to.

[scarlett71177.livejournal.com]

You betcha. There's all sorts of things that can throw a monkeywrench in the works. I only mind when it's malicious or misinformed.

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

Eh...I jus see it as a little disrespectful to totally ignore someone's wishes that way. I had a friend who would rave at me every Friday morning about the previous day's episode of Lost, despite numerous reminders that I did not watch it and was not interested and attempts to change the subject.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I had that exact same problem with Lost! It was to the point where I started to really dislike the show, and I never even watched it.

Plus, the people who gabbed about it made it sound really juvenile because all they talked about was how hot Locke and Charlie and other people were. It wasn't until I made a new friend who also watches the show that I realized it's actually quite deep and intense.

[scarlett71177.livejournal.com]

lol, I can see that. Let's hope she was just excited and valued your input.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

What a fabulous article. Thanks for linking.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

:)

[mcgonagalls-cat.livejournal.com]

Meh - they're just envious because they didn't get to live the magic... and there is no way for them to make up the deficit.

Really though,great observatons A_B_N.

JKR next?

[expatjournal.livejournal.com]

Okay first of all her Lawsuit about the Harry Potter Lexicon is bogus and makes her look greedy. Espcially since the website was used as a source by her to help her write the books. I don't think a competing Lexicon will hurt the sales of her version one bit, even if it's better. Us hard-core fans will still shell 80 kunas for the "official" version.

2ndly, I think the series is done and would not like to see more. Though I wouldn't mind historical prequels (pre 19 century) or a next generation series in about 10 years.

3rdly, Rather than sequels, I'd rather see her re-write the last two books. They were a huge disapointment to me! Especially in light of the fact that by then, she was already rich and had no need to crank something out, just to past the bills.

Re: JKR next?

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Historical prequels would be neat, IMO. I don't know about next gen - that could be hard. But some prequels would add to things, especially for people who were more interested in other aspects of the books than Harry himself.

Re: JKR next?

[expatjournal.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would be hard for her to write a next generation series without repeating herself. And pre-19th century prequels would be cool especially as the muggleborn students have to deal with muggle events over the summer like the Witch hunts, the English Civil War, the Norman Invasion, or the War of the Roses.

It also would be interesting to see the rise and fall of past Dark Lords/Ladies that are somehow realated to the above events.

Re: JKR next?

[moonreviews]

I don't think #3 is ever going to happen. I agree with #2 on the historical prequels - I don't know about the next generation series; it sounds like Star Trek (or maybe that's just those two words as the first time I heard "Next Generation" was in Star Trek...).

Re: JKR next?

[ellid.livejournal.com]

#3 will never, ever happen. It *should* IMNSHO, but it won't.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

*Laughs* I really have no opinion on Doctor Who whatsoever.

And yeah, I'm not ready to move on either. But it's understandable that my friends have, and I can at least understand how obsession works, right? Especially that new and fresh kind of obsession.

[sea_thoughts]

Thanks for linking that article, it makes a lot of sense and so does your post. We can be courteous about our friends' interests, even if they don't share them. And if some people are still obsessive, that's okay, too. *is still obsessive*

[akashasheiress.livejournal.com]

My own obsessions sort of ebb and flow. I'm mostly obsessed with Doctor Who at the moment, but my obsession-level is probably going to drop sooner or later - and then possibly rise again. It depends on a lot of things. I still love HP, but I'm not obsessed right now. It's very likely that I'll be again, though. I'm usually very into one or two fandoms at a time, and then they sort of return to a cozy little place in my heart, waiting to start bubbling again.:)

[vegablack62.livejournal.com]

My only fandom is Harry Potter and I remain obsessive much to my husband and kids amusement. I just ignore other peoples obsessions unless I'm required to politely nod and listen.

I'm glad to hear from any HP obsessive hoping to talk to a fellow fanatic.

I don't know enough about Doctor Who or Twilight to judge them.

[mushroom18.livejournal.com]

...Right now I'm just interested in learning more about Grindelwald and Dumbledore's adventures, as Jo's way of saying sorry for the forced het. xD

Anyway, this is a great essay! Passing it on to fellow fans :)

[arasnaem.livejournal.com]

Wow! I really like this thought process. Thanks for posting!

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

I've read that article before, and I thought it was really true. One of the things I find odd about fandom friendships is the idea that you must agree on everything, because in real life situations. Naturally you'll gravitate towards people with similar interests, but it's silly not to be friends with someone just because they think H/Hr is soooo canon or they thought Firefly was rubbish.

My fandom interests ebb and flow, but in general I'm most active in fandoms with new canon. But it doesn't make me think any less of people who are still very active in an older fandom or who have gotten in to something new that I haven't.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

but it's silly not to be friends with someone just because they think H/Hr is soooo canon

I actually knew someone who said she lost respect for a friend who she found out (sort of) shipped Harry/Hermione. But the insanity of shipping is a whole other topic. ;) I'll just say this - I am very Ron/Hermione, almost always was, and my cousin (and one of my best friends) hated Ron/Hermione until HBP (and even then, didn't really like it). We managed to stay close anyway, even if I did constantly tease her. ;)

[rosetapestry.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[imagines.livejournal.com]

I think I'm somewhere in between 1 and 2, regarding Harry Potter. It's been a bit startling to realise that although I used to be obsessed, I'm just not anymore. I started reading them when I was eleven, I read DH when I was just shy of eighteen, and the end of HP felt like sort of a closing point on my childhood. Harry grew up, and I started going to college. I haven't felt the urge to analyse since it ended. That's all she wrote, that's all we get, and I'm happy with it. I haven't reread the books since, though I'm sure I will someday. (I have a nephew I plan to initiate introduce when he's old enough to care.) I had just gotten into writing fic a few months before DH came out, and yet right after I finished reading it, the desire to write vanished. I'm sad about that, actually, because I definitely think there was more left to say. I just...don't feel like saying it. =/ I haven't even read fic in months.

It's pretty weird to have something so influential suddenly drop out of my life. Someday I might go back to it. I miss how passionately I loved those books. I get to keep a lot of what I got out of reading them, though--I made a lot of awesome friends, in particular.

As for 4. Well. XD; That would be Supernatural and bandom. Most of my flist don't partake of them, one or two hate them, and then there are a precious few who join me in squeaking excitedly over them. For the most part, the rest of my flist just kinda pats me on the head and says, "We'll be over here when you're done, talking about something else!" and that's what works for us.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

For the most part, the rest of my flist just kinda pats me on the head and says, "We'll be over here when you're done, talking about something else!"

Sounds like me with my "other fandom" friends. Although I do try and join in a little when it comes to Supernatural, since I know the basics from having seen a number of episodes, cross-fandom RPing and just general IM conversations and LJ entries I see on my flist. But stuff like Lost... nada. Actually, I was even like that with Firefly until I became obsessed myself - I saw people's icons and friends would quote from the show, but I never really "got it" until I got the DVD set and fell in love with the show.

I can understand how you'd move on, especially if you're also going through a real life change at the same time.

[imagines.livejournal.com]

Actually, I was even like that with Firefly until I became obsessed myself - I saw people's icons and friends would quote from the show, but I never really "got it" until I got the DVD set and fell in love with the show.

*snerk* That literally happened to me last night. People have been talking at me about Firefly for years. Last night I finally watched the first couple of episodes--and now I suddenly understand. But I always, always get into fandoms years late. I never like things when they're new, but I'll get seriously obsessed when most people have calmed down. (That even happened with HP--I read and liked the books for years, but I didn't get Into Fandom until about May of 2007. 'course, my definition of In Fandom is whenever I start reading and/or writing a lot of fic for any given media. Otherwise I consider myself more of a casual fan. YMMV.)

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I know! I'm into Firefly now, and many of my friends who were all excited and obsessive about it in 2005 are all "Meh, cool :)" now. GAH. ;)

Fandom's a weird thing to try and define. But I think if you read fic, you're technically in fandom because you're participating.