A letter to women and men in bad relationships. (Not totally Work Safe.)

[author_by_night]

Dear men and women:

First, let's establish what SO means: Significant Other. This is a gender unbiased entry.

Now, onto the nitty gritty.

If you can't  call your friend because your SO thinks you're really talking to "someone" else, your SO is wrong for you.

If your SO makes sexual comments to/about you when it makes you uncomfortable, your SO is wrong for you.

If you tell your SO something that made you happy and all he/she can say is "so?", your SO is wrong for you.

If you don't really love him (or her), but think you won't be able to get anyone better, your SO is wrong for you.

If you have to put your friends, your family, your job, the other important things in your life aside so he/she  won't get mad or jealous, your SO is wrong for you.

If your SO bosses you around, takes your money, takes your car keys, hits you, makes fun of you (and NOT lovingly), insults your family and friends, your SO is wrong for you.
 
We no longer live in the 40's, where women are supposed to cook, clean, have sex at the snap of his fingers, and pop babies every year. Not unless you are a Duggar, anyway. 

Nor is it true that there is not such thing as reverse sexism. There is; if a woman does these things, she is still wrong.

You cannot change a person. I'm sorry; you can't. And someone who controls your life - is that really how you want to live? 

"But he/she loves me!" Well, you know what? I love my laptop. But sometimes I tell it to "hurry up already", I sometimes neglect it, and I tell my friends how stupid it is. He or she may not think of you as a laptop, but are you treated like one?
 
You are not a laptop. You are not a punchbag. You are not a sex toy. You are a human being. . 

Let me quote from the bible, because it is not a quote you have to be a certain religion to agree with:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Without elaborating because I don't want to get into religion, I will say that there's several things in the Bible I disagree strongly with. However, I don't see how it's possible to disagree with that one. Do those things sometimes get forgotten? Of course - we are all only human, and those things are forgotten in platonic relationships too. However, if none of those things ever happen, or they rarely do... if you recognize any of the things I listed above... something is wrong.

Love is, ultimately, supposed to make you happy. And if it's not making you happy, you shouldn't stay there. And while leaving sometimes looks terrifying - sometimes drastic circumstances lead to drastic measures. Is it really any better to be unhappy for the rest of your life?

Comments

[macbeaner.livejournal.com]

Interesting point of view. Gives a person a lot to think about....

May I add you to my friends list?

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Sure. :)

[athar-fianra.livejournal.com]

I applaud this. You are so right. I hope those drowning friends listen to this and learn to swim.

[gryffinclaw.livejournal.com]

I am not religious either but that is one of my favourite quotes from the Bible.

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

Great letter!

[lotuseyes.livejournal.com]

((o.o)) that's not to me right? okay now I'm worried.

[fiction-goddess.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who really needs to read this. I've been trying to find a way to say it for so long. Thank you for posting this.

[bronte7723.livejournal.com]

Word.

I've yoinked this and posted in my journal too, credited of course. Usually I would post a link but I have a friend who is throwing away her life with an Arse and being a supportive friend I can't say much when we are living 16,000 km apart and thus unable to do much. I know she reads my journal though, so hopefully she will read and think.
Unfortunatly they are engaged and have just bought a house so untangling her life from his isn't likely to be easy. All I can really do is wait for the chips to fall and be there in the end.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Well... keep supporting her, and hope for the best. :)

[feindishbeauty.livejournal.com]

I just stumbled upon this and I have to agree with you. My sister sat in a relationship for a good two yeas while he demanded a 1940's housewife from her and they eventually moved in. It got to the point she couldn't even come visit me or my boyfriend, because I was a 'bad influence'. Long story short, my boyfriend and I ended up helping her move out in the middle of the night while he was gone and she moved in with us, only to have to put a restraining order on him for all of us, as he was stalking my sister and I and threatening my boyfriend. Now my sister lives far away with our mom and can't come back to our city without worrying about keeping her head ducked.
I definately know and understand this and it really is great to see another person writing about it.
Greatly done, and I would love to add you to my friends list in hopes of reading more.
~Samantha :3

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Of course you can add me. And I'm sorry about your sister - she got out, but it's sad she still fears coming to your city. :/

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Memming. I don't even know you and memming, because SOMEONE needed to say it.

(And commenting because I really wanted to dial a Winchester. Is Dean there??)

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

Thanks, but... memming?

And hee, yes, Dean's here. ;)

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Haha, sorry. Memming, as in the act of adding to my memorable entries. *smiles* I think I picked that up somewhere around the halls of LJ. Ahhh, internet!verbs....

(and Sammy too?)