Crack Theories
Jul. 1st, 2007 07:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
author_by_nightI've devised a list of crack theories for book seven - that is, theories that I feel are highly implausible, some even quite humorous, but they won't go away until I write them down.
The Weasleys (Prewetts?) are descended from Godric Gryffindor.
Why it almost works: The Weasleys are as Gryffindor as it gets, from the good points to the bad, and they are fiercly pro-muggle, which certainly could've stemmed from something, right? Plus, that could also very well make the Blacks descendants, and wouldn't the irony of that be delicious? (Plus, it would work with my Sirius = desendant of Ayla and Jondalar crack fics I never wrote...) Finally, Ginny would've therefore technically been saved by the sword of her ancestor, another thing that would be cool. Not to mention the red hair - now, obviously, red hair isn't rare in Scotland, England, Ireland, Wales or anywhere else Godric could've been from at that time (he could've been a Dane, and red hair is not uncommon in Denmark, from what I understand), not to mention the fact that a red hair gene carrying down so long would be hard, but it's still another tidbit.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: It just seems very, very far-fetched. Plus, I like Ron for being normal, and being a descendant would take away from that. Though conversely, it'd be nice for him to have something to be proud of, because I don't get the impression he feels proud of much. You can deny being a Chess pro or good at Quidditch, but you can't deny being the descendant of Godric Gryffindor.
But again, it's just something that I feel is far-fetched.
Willy Widdershins was a cover up.
Why it almost works: Umbridge noted that he eavesdropped on the trio and the to-be DA in OoTP, and that was why he got away with hexing the toilets. But isn't it rather convenient that around the time there were "rumors" that Voldemort was back, a random wizard hexed muggle bathrooms?
We know Umbridge was willing to send Dementors after Harry. Why wouldn't she do more to make the MoM look good, to prove that any wizard could cause mayhem?
It's also possible that Lucius Malfoy bribed Willy Widdershins to take those actions. It would definitely bring attention away from the Death Eaters, no?
Think of the general population reaction - "oh, it was some bloke with too much time on his hands, that other incident may have been too."
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: That plot died, so unless it comes back to haunt someone in a significant way, we won't need to know whether or not that's true. Also, if anything, it was probably a plot that was supposed to serve as a red herring - make the reader wonder if it was connected to Voldemort, when it really wasn't. And it was too a way for the DA to get caught.
Andromeda Tonks knows something about Regulus that could be useful to finding out he is RAB.
Why it almost works: Harry is going to have to find out about the connection somehow. It is very possible that Andromeda Tonks knows something important - she may even know that Regulus destroyed t he Horcruxes. She's also been alluded to, but never introduced, which seems strange.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: At this point, introducing a whole new character and making her the key to a huge discovery for Harry would be pushing it. Why would it even occur to Harry to ask her, anyway? He'll more likely find out about RAB by Kreacher, Remus (who would probably know his best friend's brother's first and last initials), Tonks (as in, younger Auror Tonks) and/or by simple looking around.
The "other trio" will accompany Harry on the Horcrux Hunt, whether it takes place at Hogwarts or beyond.
Why it almost works: If it hadn't been for them, the DoM scene may have turned out quite differently. Luna, Neville and Ginny are extremely useful. And why give them plots if they won't be used again? They all have traits, too, that would be useful - Luna's tendency to accept things that are hard to accept could be an asset, for one. And they'll need Luna and Neville's gentle composures.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: It's less that it doesn't work - it's more that it'd have to be done carefully, because in the end, it needs to be the trio. I'm not convinced it won't work, but I am convinced that it'll be less the other trio joining, and more that they help out as a seperate group, or that in the final battle, Ron and Hermione are present in helping directly but not the rest.
Crookshanks is Regulus.
Why it almost works: It definitely doesn't; the only place it belongs is in a badfic at the pit of voles. (Unless the author can write it very well.) But it's an amusing theory to cross your mind.
ETA: After writing this, I'm not sure "crack theories" is the right term, but they're still not ones I think are remotely canon.Why it almost works: The Weasleys are as Gryffindor as it gets, from the good points to the bad, and they are fiercly pro-muggle, which certainly could've stemmed from something, right? Plus, that could also very well make the Blacks descendants, and wouldn't the irony of that be delicious? (Plus, it would work with my Sirius = desendant of Ayla and Jondalar crack fics I never wrote...) Finally, Ginny would've therefore technically been saved by the sword of her ancestor, another thing that would be cool. Not to mention the red hair - now, obviously, red hair isn't rare in Scotland, England, Ireland, Wales or anywhere else Godric could've been from at that time (he could've been a Dane, and red hair is not uncommon in Denmark, from what I understand), not to mention the fact that a red hair gene carrying down so long would be hard, but it's still another tidbit.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: It just seems very, very far-fetched. Plus, I like Ron for being normal, and being a descendant would take away from that. Though conversely, it'd be nice for him to have something to be proud of, because I don't get the impression he feels proud of much. You can deny being a Chess pro or good at Quidditch, but you can't deny being the descendant of Godric Gryffindor.
But again, it's just something that I feel is far-fetched.
Willy Widdershins was a cover up.
Why it almost works: Umbridge noted that he eavesdropped on the trio and the to-be DA in OoTP, and that was why he got away with hexing the toilets. But isn't it rather convenient that around the time there were "rumors" that Voldemort was back, a random wizard hexed muggle bathrooms?
We know Umbridge was willing to send Dementors after Harry. Why wouldn't she do more to make the MoM look good, to prove that any wizard could cause mayhem?
It's also possible that Lucius Malfoy bribed Willy Widdershins to take those actions. It would definitely bring attention away from the Death Eaters, no?
Think of the general population reaction - "oh, it was some bloke with too much time on his hands, that other incident may have been too."
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: That plot died, so unless it comes back to haunt someone in a significant way, we won't need to know whether or not that's true. Also, if anything, it was probably a plot that was supposed to serve as a red herring - make the reader wonder if it was connected to Voldemort, when it really wasn't. And it was too a way for the DA to get caught.
Andromeda Tonks knows something about Regulus that could be useful to finding out he is RAB.
Why it almost works: Harry is going to have to find out about the connection somehow. It is very possible that Andromeda Tonks knows something important - she may even know that Regulus destroyed t he Horcruxes. She's also been alluded to, but never introduced, which seems strange.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: At this point, introducing a whole new character and making her the key to a huge discovery for Harry would be pushing it. Why would it even occur to Harry to ask her, anyway? He'll more likely find out about RAB by Kreacher, Remus (who would probably know his best friend's brother's first and last initials), Tonks (as in, younger Auror Tonks) and/or by simple looking around.
The "other trio" will accompany Harry on the Horcrux Hunt, whether it takes place at Hogwarts or beyond.
Why it almost works: If it hadn't been for them, the DoM scene may have turned out quite differently. Luna, Neville and Ginny are extremely useful. And why give them plots if they won't be used again? They all have traits, too, that would be useful - Luna's tendency to accept things that are hard to accept could be an asset, for one. And they'll need Luna and Neville's gentle composures.
Why it still doesn't work as a whole: It's less that it doesn't work - it's more that it'd have to be done carefully, because in the end, it needs to be the trio. I'm not convinced it won't work, but I am convinced that it'll be less the other trio joining, and more that they help out as a seperate group, or that in the final battle, Ron and Hermione are present in helping directly but not the rest.
Crookshanks is Regulus.
Why it almost works: It definitely doesn't; the only place it belongs is in a badfic at the pit of voles. (Unless the author can write it very well.) But it's an amusing theory to cross your mind.
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Date: 2007-07-01 01:10 pm (UTC)Crookshanks as Regulus would put a whole new spin on Padfoot/Sirius working with Crookshanks in PoA. I agree with your assumption that it isn't likely to be true, but it could make for an interesting "What it?" fanfic if done very well.
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Date: 2007-07-01 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-01 03:30 pm (UTC)The one I wrote.
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Date: 2007-07-01 04:21 pm (UTC)Second, yours is not badfic. I was thinking of fics of a different sort, fics yours is definitely not. :) I actually rather like yours. It makes the theory work.
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Date: 2007-07-01 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-01 06:21 pm (UTC)i am convinced JKR can pull this off in at least 2000 pages (that's how many she's up to at this point right?)
i swear I was only joking...no subject
Date: 2007-07-01 09:31 pm (UTC)Please don't kill Neville, please don't kill Neville...Not sure about Regulus as Crookshanks :). But the idea of Regulus being alive somewhere,/i> is very enticing, if unlikely.