I.O.U.: Revised Edition

(Because I can.)

Make no mistake, fandom: Jo owes us big time.

We babysat her daughter, and took Jessica to coffee shops. While she slept, instead of sleeping ourselves, or just watching t.v., we wrote. For hours on end. We came up with the entire universe Jo took credit for.

Then we tried to get it published. We went from publisher to publisher, trying to get someone to give us a chance. It would have been easy to give up, but we didn't, Finally, we were taken by Bloomsbury - under Jo's name (while the devil herself sat and got a pedicure.)

When she became famous, we persuaded her to allow the fandom to grow. We told her, "you HAVE to allow fansites! You HAVE to approve fanfic, even the ones where your eleven year old characters are raped by your thirty year old ones!" So she did.

 And even though she was rich, she was vain, and wanted to keep the money hidden under her floorboard. Still, she knew she couldn't look vain - and so did we. So we used our own money to donate to charities. Quidditch Through the Ages? Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? The money for the books went to her. The money the charities recieved... all ours.

We furthered her fandom involvement. We puppeteered her through each interview.  We createda huge site, where we - "she" - took the time to answer all kinds of questions. We called Melissa Anelli and Emerson Spartz, pretending to be Jo, asking her for an interview.

... and then she snapped, and wrote the last two books. Cancelled the shipping of our Half Blood Prince, writing her own in a matter of two days and quickly replacing the copies. And she still took our money. She wrote The Deathly Hallows too.

After all we've done, after all that writing, all the donations to charity... she still hasn't given us zilch. She won't even let us publish encyclopedias for the books we wrote.

...

Make no mistake, fandom: Jo owes us nothing.