Ficmilitants

[author_by_night]

Edit: I tried to cut, it didn't work... so if you don't want to read a parody of weird reviews this morning/afternoon/evening (whatever time it is for you), please skip.

 (Note - I am not insulting Remus/Sirius or Remus/Tonks; that bit has it's own story).

We’re plundering onto distant lands

Showing all who is right

Ridding of the ones we loathe

Proving our wisdom and our might

We’re even stronger than it may seem

So, you may ask, who are we?

Ficmilitants!

Don’t write a Mary Sue

Ficmilitants!

We’ll keep good tabs on you

Sues are running rampant

Ships are going wrong

We’ll put a stop to it

So now, give me a dungbomb!

Ficmilitants

Hana has blonde hair?

Ficmilitants!

You actually like that pair?

The spelling is atrocious

It is clearly spelled “dink”

Tonks is a Canon Sue

For she dares like pink!

Want to help us stop these

Heinous, fandom crimes?

Come on, hurry up

So we catch them on time

Ficmilitants!

Raiding other ships

Ficmilitants!

Making ‘insulting’ quips

Lily cannot wear jewelry

It’s canon she does not

Even though it’s not in the books

I know it’s in Rowling’s thoughts!

We’re getting a head start

Made our voices heard

And if you ever need us

You know just the word

Ficmilitants!

Because we are always right

Ficmilitants!

Blessed with second sight

Remus cannot love Padfoot

It’s Tonks that he loves

But he may feel free to give him

Loads of friendly hugs

Sirius has a small nose

It’s canon to some amount

It was in Random Classic Fic

Don’t say that doesn’t count!

Ficmilitants

Running this fandom

Ficmilitants

Because everyone else is dumb!

We must be off

Have work that needs doing

Canon checking, grammar checking, and de-Mary Suing!

We are going to win

This horrible war

And make sure no readers are foolish enough

To write “can we have more?”

We will leave admist the waves

The cries of “you all rule”

And ignoring the cries of

“We ought to have a duel!”

Ficimilitants

That’s who we are

Ficmilitants

Plundering afar!

 

Comments

[mafdet.livejournal.com]

Hee! That pretty much captures the more, er, militant part of HP fandom. "I know it's in Rowling's thoughts" indeed...I believe some fans think they can read her mind.

[spasmodicdb.livejournal.com]

Brilliant, and oh-so-true.

[talimeeka.livejournal.com]

*sigh* The HP fandom is such a weird place.

[shalli.livejournal.com]

Its the one's who think they can read JK's thoughts that give the rest of us a bad name.

I mean, I may express some disbelief at some ships people follow (still consider Draco/Goblet one of the funniest... and Umbridge/Dementor as one of the most deserved) but you don't go flaming people for what they think - if you don't like it and can't give practical advice, a) don't read it and b) don't review.

Parody is brill.

[auvergne.livejournal.com]

See, this is why I don't like HP. It's not the books themselves (only glanced at them, and I don't dislike them, they're just not my thing), it's the crazy fans. You know, the ones who either think HP is the most important thing on earth, and, like in your poem, go nuts whenever someone doesn't completely understand the series, or who think HP is classic literature, and keep saying to me, What do you mean you haven't read Harry Pottter? Ohmygod, the best books ever! Why, Annick, whywhywhywhywhy?

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I get that with some books, too. For instance, there's this assumption that if you like HP, you'll love LOTR. Hate to say it, but I don't like those books as much. Yet when I tell LOTR fans that, I sometimes get "WHAT?!" reactions, even though I don't insult the series - I'm just not into them. (And I'm sure a lot of LOTR fans have the same problem with everyone assuming they read HP).

[crystalnova.livejournal.com]

I am very curious. Or at least intrigued. What frame of mind did you write this in? Wow. No other words, just WOW.

[moonlinnet.livejournal.com]

Great parody--you've captured the minds of fic militants perfectly. =) *applauds*

[dancing-kumquat.livejournal.com]

Sirius has a small nose

It’s canon to some amount

It was in Random Classic Fic

Don’t say that doesn’t count!


XD Brilliant!