More "JKRowling is teh satanist" poking fun at

[author_by_night]

In case anyone was wondering, this article on the evils of HP partially sparked my parody earlier.

I decided to do a MST as well.

It was with fear and a great sense of shame and guilt that I touched the cover of a Harry Potter book for the first time,

Hey Snape, what’s up?

 and then forced myself to sit through the movies.

So you glued yourself to the chair?

 For weeks I had prayed and asked for guidance, and I hope it was God's will that I did, and saw with my own eyes what is foisted upon the eyes and minds of our children. 

Oh no, children are READING!

I have heard many bad things about these books and movies, there would be countless instances of witchcraft,

You think a book about a “boy wizard” might have witchcraft?!

cursing, brewing of drugs made by boiling alive babies pulled from the earth,

They weren’t actually babies.

 sexual congress with goats and many more things not fit for young readers' and viewers' eyes,

Dude, don’t you realize the whole Aberforth/Goat thing is a product of fanon?

but what I found was much worse still than I had feared. 

I’m intrigued.

Please do not let your children read these books or watch these movies! 

”Read MY books instead!” 

I will now tell you why:

The antagonist in the Harry Potter books is a man called Tom (parody of the Trinity, more about that in the next paragraph)

… what? Is Tom really an anagram for “The Omniscient Maker”?

Marvolo (marvels miracles) Riddle (referring to the Divine mystery),

Thou darest calleth the Truth of our Lord a riddle? Thou doth blaspheme!

 a man who is three as one, in the spiritual shape of an old man (Voldemort meaning flight of death, a direct reference to the plagues over 
Egypt),

Or it could be in references to the Horcruxes. Or, if you haven’t read book six, a reference to the fact that he, you know, didn’t die.

 in the body of the young man who lives in the diary (Bible),

Except the Bible is not a diary.

 and as the spirit that guides (as in the first book when he fights the witches for a stone the Sorcerer's Stone that grants immortality and is in defiance of the punishment for the fall). 

This Tom Riddle is clearly the God of Christian tradition as other Christian critics of Mrs. Rowling's books have pointed out. When Potter first sees Tom Riddle the Son, Tom is described as strangely blurred around the edges, suggesting a halo (p. 330). 

But then it would be around his head. “Edges” does not imply a head.

The reason why Mrs. Rowling calls Jesus Tom is simple.

Tom isn’t Jesus!

In England, the saying every Tom, Dick and Harry is highly popular and in this case alludes to the omnipresence of God in our world.

I don’t think that’s really what the saying refers to.

 This is another attempt to confuse us by presenting a false, mixed up trinity: Tom, the Father; Dick, the Spirit (better known in the series as the ghost Sir Benedict de Mimpsy Porkington, affectively called Nearly-Headless-Dick by the children);

You realize your lack of knowledge of the books ruined your point?

 and Harry, as the Son, the false Christ. Later, Tom the Son will remark that he and Potter are very alike (p. 340), causing more confusion in 
the heart of the reader. 

Not really. Just Harry.

Lucius Malfoy (meaning of bad/wrong faith, again this is misleading!), a respectably dressed family man with the pale hair and ethereal looks of an Angel, representing the Angel Gabriel of the Annunciation (Luke 1:31, but with the name of the fallen one in order to confuse Christian readers) gives the girl of a humble home, Ginny Weasley, the diary of Tom Riddle. 

… Lucius does not look remotely like an Angel. That would be Fleur.

It is not hard to realize this diary, containing the life history of our Lord Tom the Son, represents both the message that she is to become the Divine vessel,

Or she’s going to be possessed.

and the Christian Bible, the very base of our faith. The Angel Malfoy, with modesty that befits his kind,

Lucius is about as modest as fifty Mercedes Benz cars parked outside Donald Trump’s home with Martha Stewart doing the gardening.

 does not touch the revered and frightened girl but puts the diary in the girl's cauldron, representive of her womb.

And then beats her (Heavenly! Gasp!) father up.

The innocent Ginny confides in the diary, asking it questions, and the diary advises her, guides her, like the Holy Scripture.

Yes, that’s right, the Holy Scripture makes it’s readers petrify people.

 About the diary she says, I'm so glad I've got this diary to confide in ... It's like having a friend I can carry around in my pocket (p. 335). Isn't this the way we wish our children would think about the Holy Scripture?

The Bible is too large to fit in anyone’s pocket.

Ginny continues to ask Tom for guidance, until she, under the malevolent and seductive influence of the anti-Christ figure, Harry Potter, bearing the mark of the beast on his front, rejects it and it falls into his hands. 

Actually, the scar is a mark of protection and love.

The little girl writes Potter a poem: His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad, He is truly divine, the hero who conquered the dark(sic) lord. Once more a blasphemous attempt to turn the tables around and represent witchcraft, a dark force Christianity has faced and fought since the dark ages, as benevolent, and make God out to be something dark and fearful to us.

“Lord” could not, after all, be used in a feudal sense.

 The terms green eyes and pickled toad should be enough to raise the alarm bells in the mind of any true Christian,

Toads are evil!

 but our children are not always well versed in the Divine truth of the Bible and defenceless against this sort of Satanic indoctrination. 

I think you’re mistaking toads for snakes. Have you not read the Bible, either?

Ginny, like our own children, is captured by Potter's serpent-like green gaze, and maybe his tongue; Mrs. Rowling gives away in the first book that the boy can talk to snakes,

(Which is actually considered dark magic.)

 and considering what we already know about Potter, we should not put seducing an innocent girl into original sin past him. Like our own children, it is a lure she cannot resist, and one the Virgin Mary never had to face.

^^

In this second book in the series, Mrs. Rowling, who for many years studied Satanism and Kabbalah in France and several other secularized old world countries,

How is Kabbalah bad?

 represents the Immaculate Conception by Ginny of Tom as rape, of the mind but also of the body, and the Annunciation as a fraud committed against the virgin girl meant to be the bride of the anti-Christ figure Potter.

The Immaculate Conception was not rape.

 She does this inversion of our ancient truths without blinking an eyelash, and according to some is a representative on earth of the ancient demon Lilith, who was rejected by Adam as a wife for her forwardness and her refusal to take a wifes place.

Or Harry was just a typical middle school aged boy. 

Before the conception of Tom Riddle, the Son, is completed, Potter pierces the Bible

The Diary was not the Bible kthx.

Ginny holds with the fang of a serpent-like poisonous monster, burns it, and reclaims his unconscious bride (the scene bears resemblance to the one in Rosemary's Baby since Ginny is also wearing a black robe and her legs are uncovered)

I don’t recall that being canon.

while Tom is denied becoming flesh to save the world from Potter and his followers. 

Because killing Muggles MUST be done.

A phoenix, favourite symbol of Freemasons

You must know Jack Chick.

 like Hilary Clinton, a bird born from fire and with feathers the color of hellish flames, red, gold, orange and yellow (not coincidentally also 
the colors of Potter's house in the school) comes to Potter's aid. 

Gryffindor is really Hell! Noooo!

Not surprisingly, Ginny weeps silently after being 'rescued' by Potter, for deep inside she knows that now she will face a fate worse than 
death, and that she is lost (p. 350).

You’ve been reading Ginny/Tom.

 The movie ends with Potter and his mentor, a master in the Satanic art of shape shifting, humiliating the Angel of the Annunciation. 

I’m surprised you haven’t yet realized Lucius’s name actually sounds a bit like “Lucifer”, the Devil. 

In a particularly distasteful and lewd display, Potter tries to tempt the rightfully furious Angel by raising his pant leg and showing him his nude ankle.

“Free Dobby or I’ll show you my knee, too!”

In this way the Harry Potter books contribute to the hidden gay agenda.

Because an ankle is so sexual.

 When this temptation is refused, he has a malignant house spirit who embodies all the evils of stem-cell research curse the angel down.

I’m sorry?

In the book Blood in Vein, notorious Satanist Brian Hodge puts the blasphemous words, There are many gods. There are many sons conceived by rape.¡± as an answer to the question, What of your being the Son of God? into the mouth of Jesus (p. 271 of the paperback). This is common practice among Satanists, representing God as one of a multitude so we will lose direction, and perverting the birth of our Saviour in rituals where they invert crosses, spill the blood of roosters, have goats rape virgins,

and eat newborns. And we now see that they will stop at nothing. 

We all know Aberforth’s goat likes eating students for dinner.

Throughout every next book in the series, Our Lord Voldemort/God tries to smite Potter and, according to Mrs. Rowling, every time he fails, reinforcing gullible readers' confidence in the power of evil. 

Children should think it’s okay to kill people.

Potter's godfather, the ancient Egyptian demon Sirius (better know to us as Satan

You’re just jealous because he’s popular and you were the weird kid who told everyone they were eternally damned.

, or Potter's [GOD] ie true father, historically Set) who also takes the shape of a large black dog,

Who let the Demons out?!

and is described as both beautiful and violent by Mrs Rowling, appears in three of the books and returns physically to the underworld when Potter turns sixteen and is no longer in need of his protection. One wonders if the infernal nuptials of Potter's mother Lily, also named after Lilith,

(Also a type of flower… notice her sister’s name…)

 and this dog will be described in any of the following books. 

Nothing good can come of this. Our country is now beleaguered in the Harry Potter merchandize, colorfully, festively almost announcing the arrival of the anti-Christ. The worst product available to corrupt our youth was Potter's vibrating broomstick, now taken off the market under pressure of Christian parents because it taught young girls how to abuse themselves and awoke their interest in the sins of the flesh.

Actually, it was the parents.

This is damage that cannot be undone.

Our own President and his wife have let this evil into the White House and have boasted Harry Potter themed Christmas decorations

We can’t have that, can we?

The Vatican, not coincidentally located in the centre of Europe, has sided with the Satanists and proclaimed Harry Potter harmless;

 

once again the Catholic Church forsakes the Christ and sides with those who would pull us down with them into eternal damnation.

Or maybe you just don’t like the Catholic Church

.It may be already too late to save our world, but we can save our souls and refuse the ticket for a one-way trip to hell Potter provides. It is never too late to cancel your trip.

It’s not an option anyway, the plane’s booked for Heaven.

God bless you and be with you always

You too… um… I guess…

<strike>ETA: This definitely isn't a parody, I checked the site.</strike>

<strike>ETA 2: Actually, it's possible it is parody, but the site didn't realize it and posted the article anyway. Parody or not, it's still fun to MST! (And I do have a hard time believe why someone would really think those things).</strike>

ETA 3: Definitely a parody, from camillabloom's LJ. I tihnk she either submitted it to them or they took her seriously. Ha. Well, so the MST isn't really of her, it's more of a 
co-MST now.

Comments

[hylarn.livejournal.com]

The site is seious, but the article isn't. The author wrote it as a joke and later submitted it to other sites. Whoever runs the site probably believes it, though.

[maple-clef.livejournal.com]

The stupid - it burns! I do hope - for the sake of my fragile faith in humanity - that it was a parody, but as you say MST is always fun!

[daniellafromage.livejournal.com]

It's definitely a parody - I believe that it was written by camillabloom. What's hilarious is the way in which so many XXXcore fundamental Christian websites have taken it on as their banner for the evils inherent in HP.

[chocolatepot.livejournal.com]

Sometimes she gets emails from the fundies, too. They are crackalicious.

[daniellafromage.livejournal.com]

Haaa, really? Oh, people. I remember first reading it back in 2004 when the then-pottersues linked to it. I was all, "LOL DICK" (as my sense of humour is tragically retarded) before someone told me that it was a parody. /fandom reminiscing

[daniellafromage.livejournal.com]

That should read "then-pottersues". What the hell. :\

[valerie-valerah.livejournal.com]

*throws up* It's crap like this that gives us Christians a bad name *scowl* I certainly hope it's a parody. But if it is, I'm a little offended by it, only because it does make Christians look stupid. *sigh* I liked your MST :P

[parsimonia.livejournal.com]

Nearly-Headless-DICK?!?

And they thought Harry's exposed ankle and attempted seduction of Lucius Malfoy was lewd! lol

Oh, I just read your ETA 3. I should have known it was too hilarious not too have been written by a HP fan.

[vytresna.livejournal.com]

Not only does it scare me that the site would take it seriously, that whole Satano-Wiccan-Judeo-Masonic Conspiracy theme they have going makes me devoutly hopeful that the whole site is a parody.

Here via Cult of Mean

[tree_and_leaf]

Fantastic parody, but the website scares me (though not quite as much as the idiot who thinks CS Lewis is promoting Satanism, because 'Lucy' sounds a bit like 'Lucifer')

The level of ignorance of basic Christianity of a site that could accept the parody as a valid critique as real is staggering, though. (And why do people always confuse the Immaculate Conception with the Annuciation/ Incarnation? Sorry - /theology geek mode;) ).