Sunshine Challenge: Who Are You?
Jul. 5th, 2019 07:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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The challenge today is to go into one's fannish identity. Under the cut: Where my screenname comes from and some thoughts on my fandom activities/identities.
What does your username mean?
(People on my flist have heard this one 87 times now. Feel free to skip to the next question.) In January of 2001, when I was fifteen, I decided to post a fanfic to fanfiction.net. I even had a fic in mind: A To Kill a Mockingbird fanfic that had been a school assignment originally. (I still like to point out to fic naysayers that there's no difference between those assignments and fanfic. They're the same thing.) Anyway, "Author By Night" sounded, like, totally edgy to fifteen year old me. It was my name in most fannish spaces, and it just stuck. I honestly don't really like it now, but that's who I am online. ABN.
What does "fannish identity" mean to you?
Back when I was more involved, I think my fandom identity was stronger, if not... flawless. LJ was kind of a Facebook for fannish people, interestingly; most of my friends were people I met on fansites, and a lot of those people are still on my flist. So that was cool.
I guess lately it's sort of been interspersed with my overall LJ/DW identity, which really isn't all that fannish anymore. I use a different name on Reddit, but then, my fandom involvement is pretty low there anyway. Still, I wouldn't say it's completely gone, especially on LJ/DW. I still post a lot of the same things, ]including fandom specific diatribes, and my less specific diatribes tend to take on a similar tone. I've also always enjoyed snark. I don't mean this kind of snark:
AU!Me: THIS MOVIE IS SO DUMB I'M GOING TO KILL THE MAIN CHARACTER AND THEN I'M GONNA CRASH MY CAR BECAUSE IT MADE ME THAT MAD!!!!!!! $%$%$! $%$%%$%$!
I just mean that I like to poke fun at things.Even Especially things I love. I also like to be more critical, but again, gently. No work of art is perfect, and not all works of art appeal to everyone. Also, obviously certain scenes or character traits are supposed to be snarkable, for comic relief or irony's sake.
There's always been a certain boldness in my online persona that's not really present IRL, although I've become more that person IRL in the last few years. Unfortunately, I can't say the boldness was always for the better. When I was younger, I was a complete doormat IRL, and I kinda lashed out online because it was the one place I could. So that I'm not proud of, even if it was generally more immaturity/desperation to be heard somewhere rather than anything truly malicious. I also didn't really have any social circles IRL, and when I felt my online social circles start to dwindle, I handled it badly. I tried so hard to keep everyone together, and in one case basically gave up and told everyone whatever, have a nice life. Not in so many words, but that was my general attitude about the whole thing. The good news is that I've been in similar situations since, yet have worked very hard not to get pissy like I did back then. You don't keep your friends by getting mad at them. Who knew?
On the other hand, some of that boldness also served me well. I made friends because I liked their fanfics or I saw them on messageboards and IMed them. I would never have done the equivalent of that IRL, and yet it's how I made some incredibly important friends. Also, it was just a relief to be the person I was in fannish spaces (including LJ/DW), in a way I couldn't IRL. And while I'm more that person IRL, like I said, there are still limits. Even in newer online fannish spaces I've found, there's been a strange sense of limits, like you're not supposed to be too enthused about things. Still, I persist. I am who I am.
The challenge today is to go into one's fannish identity. Under the cut: Where my screenname comes from and some thoughts on my fandom activities/identities.
What does your username mean?
(People on my flist have heard this one 87 times now. Feel free to skip to the next question.) In January of 2001, when I was fifteen, I decided to post a fanfic to fanfiction.net. I even had a fic in mind: A To Kill a Mockingbird fanfic that had been a school assignment originally. (I still like to point out to fic naysayers that there's no difference between those assignments and fanfic. They're the same thing.) Anyway, "Author By Night" sounded, like, totally edgy to fifteen year old me. It was my name in most fannish spaces, and it just stuck. I honestly don't really like it now, but that's who I am online. ABN.
What does "fannish identity" mean to you?
Back when I was more involved, I think my fandom identity was stronger, if not... flawless. LJ was kind of a Facebook for fannish people, interestingly; most of my friends were people I met on fansites, and a lot of those people are still on my flist. So that was cool.
I guess lately it's sort of been interspersed with my overall LJ/DW identity, which really isn't all that fannish anymore. I use a different name on Reddit, but then, my fandom involvement is pretty low there anyway. Still, I wouldn't say it's completely gone, especially on LJ/DW. I still post a lot of the same things, ]including fandom specific diatribes, and my less specific diatribes tend to take on a similar tone. I've also always enjoyed snark. I don't mean this kind of snark:
AU!Me: THIS MOVIE IS SO DUMB I'M GOING TO KILL THE MAIN CHARACTER AND THEN I'M GONNA CRASH MY CAR BECAUSE IT MADE ME THAT MAD!!!!!!! $%$%$! $%$%%$%$!
I just mean that I like to poke fun at things.
There's always been a certain boldness in my online persona that's not really present IRL, although I've become more that person IRL in the last few years. Unfortunately, I can't say the boldness was always for the better. When I was younger, I was a complete doormat IRL, and I kinda lashed out online because it was the one place I could. So that I'm not proud of, even if it was generally more immaturity/desperation to be heard somewhere rather than anything truly malicious. I also didn't really have any social circles IRL, and when I felt my online social circles start to dwindle, I handled it badly. I tried so hard to keep everyone together, and in one case basically gave up and told everyone whatever, have a nice life. Not in so many words, but that was my general attitude about the whole thing. The good news is that I've been in similar situations since, yet have worked very hard not to get pissy like I did back then. You don't keep your friends by getting mad at them. Who knew?
On the other hand, some of that boldness also served me well. I made friends because I liked their fanfics or I saw them on messageboards and IMed them. I would never have done the equivalent of that IRL, and yet it's how I made some incredibly important friends. Also, it was just a relief to be the person I was in fannish spaces (including LJ/DW), in a way I couldn't IRL. And while I'm more that person IRL, like I said, there are still limits. Even in newer online fannish spaces I've found, there's been a strange sense of limits, like you're not supposed to be too enthused about things. Still, I persist. I am who I am.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-05 03:48 pm (UTC)