Neither Here Nor There: Chapter Fourteen

[author_by_night]

Title: Neither Here Nor There

Fandom: Harry Potter

Chapter: Fourteen

Rating: PG-13

Summary: It's been six months since the war, and everyone's ready to try moving on. Lyall Lupin and Andromeda Tonks are coming to terms with the death of their children, finding solace in one another - but how long can they stay close in the face of absence? Kingsley Shacklebolt is trying to lead a country that has been left bitter by war, so distrustful many even doubt him. And Hestia Jones is trying to harbor all she holds dear, which is hard when there's secrets she's never had the heart to reveal.


Kingsley found himself in the middle of Diagon Alley, accompanied by Lyall, Hestia and Andromeda. Ron and Hermione where nowhere to be seen.

"We've split," Lyall said at once. His voice was wavering, and Kingsley knew he was still unsettled. "But it shouldn't be long before we find them - people generally don't travel far in dreams."

The door to the Magical Menagerie opened; Ron and Hermione stepped out, looking confused. Hermione was holding a basket of confetti.

"I think this is meant to be Crookshanks," she said. "I don't know why - Ginny!"

Ginny was walking alongside Harry, looking miserable.

"I'm glad we stopped Draco from going into Knockturn Alley this time," Harry was saying.

"I guess," Ginny said. "But why did we have to, if there's not a war and he might not be a Death Eater?"

Harry paused, then shrugged. "You've been funny lately, you know that? Ron! Hermione!"

"Hello," Hermione said. "Um... what a lovely day for a stroll!"

Hermione may have been brilliant in many areas, Kingsley couldn't deny that, but acting didn't appear to be one of them.

"Just be natural," he advised quietly. "Be his friend."

Ginny was looking at Hermione closely. "Are you... here to help?"

"We all are," Kingsley said. "That's what we do. Asleep or awake."

He could tell from the relieved expression on Ginny's face that she understood.

"Help is always good," Ginny contended. "Right, Harry?"

"Uh... yeah," Harry replied absently. He was frowning at Lyall and the others. "You're not usually here together..."

"This is our hole," Lyall told them. "No, Harry, we're not. Doesn't that strike you as odd?"

"A bit..."

"And no one else is here. You're in the busiest town in the Wizarding World, and yet there's no one in sight but us."

"It's..."

"Look, mate," Ron began, "you can't not know this isn't real. Remember the Mirror of Erised?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you see?"

Harry paused. "I saw my parents... my whole family... but why?"

"You know why," Hermione told him. "You know this isn't real. Look inside the basket - there's nothing but confetti. It's all confetti."

"I know it's hard to let go," Lyall said. "Believe me, I know. I just grappled with it myself. But you must. You'll leave so many people who love you if you stay here."

"So you're saying... none of this is real?"

Ron laughed darkly. "We've mentioned that once or twice, yeah!"

Ginny put her arm around him. "We are real, though. Your friends are real. I'm real. I love you."

"What's going on?"

Sirius had appeared out of nowhere; at the corner of Lyall's eye, Andromeda stepped back.

"It's okay, 'dromeda," Sirius said. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Andromeda stood taller and shrugged her shoulders back. "You're not real."

"Of course I'm real! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Go," she said. "You're not him."

"What on earth makes you think that?" Sirius gasped in fake offense.

"The Sirius I know wouldn't have kept Harry trapped in a dream world, he'd encourage him to wake up, live his life!"

"And be reckless," Harry added slowly.

"Exactly!" Sirius clapped Harry's back. "I taught you well."

"Get away from him," Andromeda hissed. "You're a sick creature-"

"-Kreacher," Sirius interrupted with a grin. "Remember him? He told your sister so much about me..."

"I remember," Andromeda said thickly.

"And yet you've been quite friendly as of late."

"It's for Teddy's sake."

"Really? Or does part of you miss your family, even if they're the reason you lost the relatives who didn't disown you?"

"Don't you dare," Lyall snapped.

Sirius smirked. "Look at you, defending her. You two take care of each other now."

"Yeah, we do," Andromeda said.

"But you don't know, do you? No... you have no idea how the other really feels."

"That's enough," Kingsley said.

"Lyall," Sirius began, "did you know Andromeda wishes Dora had never married your son?"

"You son of a bitch, I never said that!" Andromeda cried.

"But you thought it, didn't you? Part of you wishes she'd never known me... or Remus. We were a bad influence, especially Remus. She loved him beyond reason, and it killed her."

"He was the best thing that ever happened to her. And - I loved him. Lyall, you know I loved him like my own son, right?" Andromeda asked Lyall.

"Doesn't mean you don't blame him," Sirius countered. "You wish he'd just left for good... taken his problems and stupid sense of nobility with him. You'd still have a daughter if she'd never met him. Don't take it personally, Lyall, she feels the same way about me. What was it you said all those years ago, Andromeda? That we'd be the death of her? Funny how true that ended up being."

"Pay him no mind, he's trying to trap you," Kingsley reminded them loudly. They didn't seem to hear him; Andromeda's face had turned red, and Lyalle's mouth was agape.

"Sirius would never say those things," Hermione told Harry. "You know that! It's an Erised Leithfold! I can show you, I have a book in my-"

She stopped.

"You're not as smart as you think you are," Sirius sneered.

"Leave her alone," Ron said.

Sirius looked at Ron. "Or what? You'll leave again?"

"That's enough," Harry cut in.

"You're right," Sirius agreed. "Let's play Quidditch."

And suddenly, they were all outside, sitting on broomsticks and wearing Quidditch uniforms.

Sirius grinned. "Thought I'd make a game out of this."


Audrey wasn't sure where Percy was. She'd tried to Floo several times, but he hadn't answered. She wasn't sure whether this this was a conversation they needed to have over Floo anyway. Audrey had Floo'd Hestia to see what she thought, but Hestia hadn't been home either; Audrey figured she might as well head over to Percy's home and speak to him in person.

When Percy opened the door, Audrey could tell something was bothering him. He looked very tired, and had a jumper on as though he'd only just gotten home. He was holding a coffee mug.

"Audrey?" Percy sounded surprised. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to talk," Audrey explained.

"Oh. Come in." Percy led Audrey into his small kitchen. Audrey hadn't been in his home since the day they'd found Penelope.

Not much at all had happened between them since; they hadn't broken up, strictly speaking, but the few times they had met outside the Ministry, the conversation had been stilted, their exchanges resigned to brief, awkward hugs. Audrey was tired of it; she missed Percy.

"How was the funeral?" Audrey asked delicately. "I know it must have been hard."

Percy shrugged. "Not as bad as I thought. His family was a mess, though. I am rather sorry that he never got to make amends with more people. As for how I feel... well, he did have redeeming qualities, and I wish that was what he'd be remembered for. At the same time, I've since recognized that he rather intentionally... well, perhaps this isn't the time."

"Right," Audrey agreed.

There was that awkward silence again. Percy began to say something, but Audrey interrupted him: "I'm tired of this, Percy."

"Tired of what?"

"Whatever this is. I still wish you hadn't lied to me, but... mostly, I miss you. You're the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning. I miss our conversations, I miss your stiff-lipped humour, I miss the way you talk about your family, I miss every single thing about you. So... I'm ready to talk. Then I want to move on. With you."

"I'm ready too," Percy said. "But I have to tell you something."

"Okay..."

"You have to promise me you won't panic."

"I'll... try not to."

"We've kept this quiet from - everyone, but last night, Andromeda Tonks had some people over for dinner, including Hestia, the Minister, Harry and my sister Ginny. Do you know what an Erised Leithfold is?"

"I didn't until recently, isn't that what killed-"

Audrey's heart sank. "Merlin... are they okay?"

"They're still alive, at least."

"That is not encouraging."

"You can dream walk, so we did that, and long story short, they're all trying to get Harry."

"Who's all?" Audrey asked.

"Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Hestia, the Minister - Kingsley, Andromeda Tonks and Lyall Lupin."

Audrey didn't like to think of Hestia or Kingsley trapped inside someone else's head. "Is it a good idea for all of them to be there at once?"

"It's strength in numbers, at least."

"Right." Audrey exhaled. "I wish our friends weren't so brave sometimes."

"I didn't offer to go," Percy said. "I just realized that."

"Well, of course, so many-"

"-they all instantly offered to go. With absolutely no hesitation. Why didn't I? I'm Kingsley's subordinate. Or I was, I don't know what I am right now."

"I imagine it was a bit confusing," Audrey said.

"Maybe." Percy sighed. "I just don't know what I'll do if they're trapped."

"Oh, Perce... they'll be okay. Kingsley and Hestia made it through the war, and so did your siblings."

"Without me."

"What?"

Percy looked at Audrey. "I never really fought, until the Battle at Hogwarts."

"Neither did I. I've told you that, I was a governness."

"But it was my family fighting. Make no mistake, I know my role was no small one - I leaked a lot of information to the resistance. I didn't know it at the time, but Kingsley and I were corresponding directly under the pseudonyms 'Royal' and 'Winston' respectively."

"As in Winston Churchill?"

"The very same. And that's why I couldn't fight, see - at first yes, it was pride. Pride I am so very ashamed of. I just wish I could've done more."

Audrey smiled sadly. "I wish that sometimes, too. I wish a lot of things."

Percy sighed. "Maybe this is a good time to talk about us."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I could use the distraction right now. I could use you right now."


Lyall knew nothing about Quidditch, but he supposed this wasn't a proper game anyhow. After all, they were all holding bats, presumably for bludgers. There were no Seekers or Chasers.

Andromeda was next to him. She did not make eye contact with Lyall, and Lyall couldn't look at her. He wasn't sure what he'd say. What she'd say. Fortunately, they were surrounded by their companions, who Lyall supposed made up a team.

Don't let the leithfold win.

The other team, he saw, consisted of... a legion. It seemed every single person Harry had ever known, or should have known, was in it. Including Remus and Dora.

Bludgers headed their way; Lyall quickly beat them. When he spotted Harry higher up, he flew to him.

"There's no snitch," Lyall told him.

"Yes, there is, and I'm going to-"

"-I know. But there's something else I have to tell you. I think it's the only way now; the leithfold is trying to kill us. You need to remember where you really are, and if need be... Expecto Patronum. Remember that."

"How could I forget? It was Remus who taught me."

Lyall knew this, of course. "Exactly, and he'd want you to protect yourself. Just reach inside your-"

But he stopped; a bludger was heading straight for Hestia and Kingsley. Lyall quickly flew towards them and somehow managed to hit the bludger away from them.

"Nice save," Sirius said as he joined them, "but it's worthless."

He pointed downwards; Hermione and Andromeda were already on the ground, their hands tied together by rope. Ginny and Ron were hitting bludgers a few yards away.

"Funny thing about dreams," Sirius chortled. "Anything can happen. You'd be proud, Lyall, Remus delivered the blow."

"At least let them wake up," Hestia said.

"Why are you so insistent that we do? And how do you know that I'm not Sirius?"

"Because he wouldn't have-"

"-done anything for Harry?"

Kingsley, Hestia and Lyall all exchanged a look.

"No," Lyall said quickly, his voice loud. "You just know what we remember of him. What Harry remembers of him."

"They're all here," Sirius added. "Remus... Dora... look at them, they're so happy, happier than they ever were. Even Alastor Moody is smiling. Isn't that all you wanted for him, Kingsley? And Cedric Diggory - why, it's as though he was never killed, look at him go! Why can't you be happy for them?"

"Because it's not really them," Lyall said, averting his eyes.

"Maybe it's not. But in this place, they still exist. They exist through Harry, a boy who has never had anything. No parents. No real friends or family until Hogwarts, and most of them are dead now."

"And he'll die too," Lyall pointed out.

"Of course he will, but he's going to someday. What's worse - death as a lonely old man, when even more of his loved ones will have preceded him? Or death in a world where he's never suffered, never lost, never wanted anything more than a glass of milk he was readily given?"

There was a loud shout; Ron and Ginny were falling now.

"They don't have to suffer," Sirius said. "None of you do. Let me have Harry. I'll even let him live this world a little longer. I've grown fond of the boy; he's been a good host. Or you can all die, and leave Teddy with no one. Let him live the miserable lonely life you want to be Harry's reality."

"You're despicable," Kingsley spat.

Sirius shrugged. "It's the reality of the current situation. Which orphan shall it be, then?"

"Neither of them are losing anything, family or their lives," Lyall said firmly.

More bludgers appeared out of nowhere; Hestia and Kingsley hit at them as Lyall flew towards Harry again, and this time started to lead him closer to the ground.

"Dad!" Remus's voice called. "Dad, watch what I'm doing!"

It took a lot, but Lyall managed to ignore the man who was not really his son.

"Look at them," Lyall said, pointing to Ron, Hermone, Andromeda and Ginny, all struggling to break free. "Is this what you want for them?"

"It's a game."

"No, it's not. Listen... no one has suffered more than you. I know that. You want, with all of your heart, for things to be good. They're not, and it breaks a part of you, so much you can't see the truth. But these are your friends, Harry. Do you want them to suffer? To feel pain?"

"Ron's fighting harder than anyone," Harry said slowly.

"Of course. He's your best mate. What your father was to Sirius, because for all people always compared you to your father, you're more like Sirius than anyone I know. The real Sirius. The one Bellatrix Lestrange killed."

"Don't..."

"He wouldn't have wanted this for you. Or them. Remus wouldn't have, either. You know he told me about you? He was always so proud of your hard work, your Patronus - you weren't just James's son, you were his favourite student. So now I need you to do what he taught you to do. I need you to think of the happiest thing you can think of, something you know is real, and I need you to cast a Patronus with me. Can you do that?"

Harry looked at Sirius, and for a minute, Lyall thought he'd lost him. But then Harry raised his wand.

"Ready?" Lyall asked; Harry nodded, and on a count of three, just as Sirius had sent a bludger in Lyall's direction, they both cried:

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"



It took a long time to regain consciousness this time.

The worse were Lyall and Harry; Lyall could barely move at first, and Harry kept bringing up his parents and Sirius, then saying "oh, right. Dream."

Amos Diggory suggested everyone take a nap, despite it now being the evening. Andromeda resigned herself to doing just that once Molly Weasley offered to keep an eye on Harry. Teddy would spend the night at Bill and Fleur's. Fleur wanted practice anyway, it seemed. Andromeda told Lyall he could take the small bed in Teddy's room.

She woke up early that next morning; Lyall was already downstairs.

"Morning," Andromeda yawned.

"Morning," Lyall returned.

They stared at one another, both unsure as to what they could possibly say.

"Listen," Andromeda began, "I hope you know what the leithfold said-"

"-it wasn't lying. It lied about a lot of things, but it never lies about how a person feels."

"Well, I-"

"Did you really hate him?"

"Of course I didn't hate him," Andromeda said. "How could I, when he gave us so much? He was the one who told us Sirius was innocent. He made sure we knew it even though he'd just lost his job at Hogwarts, and surely had other things on his mind. He gave Dora hope. And once they married, he became part of our family. I loved him as much as you loved Dora."

"Let me rephrase the question, then: Did you really resent him?"

Andromeda hesitated. "Sometimes, yes. Can you blame me?"

"Maybe I can."

"Really? You honestly blame me for minding that my daughter was roped into the Order by her cousin and his best friend? You honestly expect me not to sometimes wonder if she would've been better off if they'd just kept her out of it? I know logically speaking, she was an Auror and would've joined anyway, but I can't help it, sometimes I wish they'd stayed out of her life."

It was strange how saying this out loud felt like both a relief and a burden; the words were gone now, but she couldn't take them back.

"For someone who's not proud, you sure have no trouble admitting it."

"You asked."

"Right." Lyall cleared his throat. "I'm going away."

"Since when?"

"I thought about some of the things I saw in my dream. I've never been to Spain. I think I'm going to go. I liked the prospect."

"Don't be ridiculous, how're you going to..."

"I need to be alone for a while. I'll bring back a souvenir for Teddy."

"Lyall."

But he was already gone.