I think this also applies to LJ, too, although perhaps the difference is that LJ's structure doesn't foster the "I CAN HAS SO MANY FRIENDS NAO" mentality in quite the same way. In LJ, the label "Friends" (rather than, say, "Subscriptions") does create its own set of issues, such as defriending drama on the bad side of the spectrum and the consideration of flisters as personally close rather than just interesting blog writers on the good side (although I imagine there's a negative interpretation that could be drawn here as well). But I don't think it tends to inspire the race for popularity in most people in the way that Facebook does, and I expect that's also in part because LJ interactions often focus around fandoms and common interests rather than interpersonal connections and because Facebook friends tend to be people we've become acquainted with in RL, which isn't so much the case with LJ.
But I do think that the bar analogy works well for LJ and many of the things you said apply there as well:
Facebook's LJ's basically like a pub or some other social gathering. You have a bunch of people in little crowds, and it's very busy in many ways. You always see the same group of people, and you tend to drink together and check out the guys/ladies together... etc.
This makes me think of the communities and the fannish squeeing. We tend to gather in certain cliques, often associated around fandom.
This does not mean they are your blood brothers and blood sisters. It just means that you're fun to talk to, possibly even more so when you're drunk (or on caffeine, if we're going for a more innocent approach).
And people who freak out the most about defriending and non-mutual friending tend to take the friend concept as seriously as brothers and sisters.
Finally... if you want proof of a sincere friendship, if you want a real friendship or romantic relationship, don't look for it in people who only want to talk to you at the bar or Facebook. Look to people who know how to broaden their horizons. Because if they only want to be in a bar or on Facebook, well, that says a lot more about the friendship or relationship you're trying to build than it does about you.
And this makes me think a lot about that question you asked several weeks ago -- the one about meeting online friends in RL. Some of the friendships I've made online have blossomed into what I consider true RL friendships. One example would be my husband, whom I met on Match.com 11 years ago, although I suppose that doesn't count in the same way, because we never really went through the friendship stage, but rather were engaged two weeks after meeting online. :) But I also think about my friend Heather, whom I met through my LJ RPG. I think I had mentioned her in my response to your query. Anyway, she and I met on the RPG, but we've met in RL quite a number of times since then despite the fact that she lives in New York and I live in the DC area. Fannish activities have catalyzed our in-person meetings (i.e., BPAL gatherings, the opening of the OotP movie, and the upcoming opening of the Twilight movie -- we're going for the lulz, of course), but I'd say overall we've bonded over much more than fandoms, and we've shown non-fannish aspects of each other's RLs great interest and concern. So I feel that the horizon of our interactions were broadened, if that makes any sense. We don't just meet at the "LJ bar." And on the other side of things is the bad experience I had, with the girl who was obsessed with Heroes and got offended when I nicely asked if she could squee about Heroes in another channel. I considered our friendship to have been quite expanded beyond LJ, but when my fannish interests apparently went against hers, or failed to intersect them at the very least, she abandoned the friendship, which shows that it never was true after all.
Anyway, some musings for you. :) I think the topic of online socialization is extremely interesting; in fact, it's partly the subject of my (currently stalled due to baby and other things) master's thesis. Have you ever read theories about how virtual communities are undermining the concept of friendship as based on proximity?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-10-19 10:16 pm (UTC)But I do think that the bar analogy works well for LJ and many of the things you said apply there as well:
Facebook'sLJ's basically like a pub or some other social gathering. You have a bunch of people in little crowds, and it's very busy in many ways. You always see the same group of people, and you tend to drink together and check out the guys/ladies together... etc.This makes me think of the communities and the fannish squeeing. We tend to gather in certain cliques, often associated around fandom.
This does not mean they are your blood brothers and blood sisters. It just means that you're fun to talk to, possibly even more so when you're drunk (or on caffeine, if we're going for a more innocent approach).
And people who freak out the most about defriending and non-mutual friending tend to take the friend concept as seriously as brothers and sisters.
Finally... if you want proof of a sincere friendship, if you want a real friendship or romantic relationship, don't look for it in people who only want to talk to you at the bar or Facebook. Look to people who know how to broaden their horizons. Because if they only want to be in a bar or on Facebook, well, that says a lot more about the friendship or relationship you're trying to build than it does about you.
And this makes me think a lot about that question you asked several weeks ago -- the one about meeting online friends in RL. Some of the friendships I've made online have blossomed into what I consider true RL friendships. One example would be my husband, whom I met on Match.com 11 years ago, although I suppose that doesn't count in the same way, because we never really went through the friendship stage, but rather were engaged two weeks after meeting online. :) But I also think about my friend Heather, whom I met through my LJ RPG. I think I had mentioned her in my response to your query. Anyway, she and I met on the RPG, but we've met in RL quite a number of times since then despite the fact that she lives in New York and I live in the DC area. Fannish activities have catalyzed our in-person meetings (i.e., BPAL gatherings, the opening of the OotP movie, and the upcoming opening of the Twilight movie -- we're going for the lulz, of course), but I'd say overall we've bonded over much more than fandoms, and we've shown non-fannish aspects of each other's RLs great interest and concern. So I feel that the horizon of our interactions were broadened, if that makes any sense. We don't just meet at the "LJ bar." And on the other side of things is the bad experience I had, with the girl who was obsessed with Heroes and got offended when I nicely asked if she could squee about Heroes in another channel. I considered our friendship to have been quite expanded beyond LJ, but when my fannish interests apparently went against hers, or failed to intersect them at the very least, she abandoned the friendship, which shows that it never was true after all.
Anyway, some musings for you. :) I think the topic of online socialization is extremely interesting; in fact, it's partly the subject of my (currently stalled due to baby and other things) master's thesis. Have you ever read theories about how virtual communities are undermining the concept of friendship as based on proximity?