More on Facebook
Oct. 19th, 2008 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
author_by_nightSo today I was on a messageboard, and someone mentioned how she doesn't have as many friends on it as her other friends. This is not the first time I've seen that complaint - and in two cases, the people who said this were adults in their twenties.
I myself posted an entry a few days ago - not about having too few friends there, but about how many don't want to go beyond pokes. Again, I've heard it said by other people as well.
I did some thinking just now.
Most of the time, this is what happens:
Mary Sue: Oh look, I knew Gary Stu in elementary school! We were both in the sticker club. Let me add him!
Gary Stu: Oh neat, Mary Sue! I always wondered what happened to her.
PMs fly, they read one another's profiles, maybe even add a few mutuals. They're so happy to have gotten back in touch!
After 48 hours, they never talk to one another again, beyond the occasional poke and wall post.
Let's suppose Mary Sue also sees someone she goes to college with, Susie Marie. She adds Susie Marie, and they talk about how they should OMG GET TOGETHER one night after the class they both have.
Susie Marie drops said class, and they never talk beyond pokes and wall posts, even though they both have dorms in the same building. Maybe it's because they're busy. Maybe it's because they just don't have much in common. Maybe Mary Sue's just more of an internet socializer than a real-world socializer. (Hey, it happens.) The same is true for Gary Stu.
Does this always happen? No. And when it does happen, it doesn't make the people bad people.
But Facebook is not any indication as to how many friends you do or don't have. And not everyone there is going to want to talk to you much outside of it.
Here's the thing: Facebook's basically like a pub or some other social gathering. You have a bunch of people in little crowds, and it's very busy in many ways. You always see the same group of people, and you tend to drink together and check out the guys/ladies together... etc.
This does not mean they are your blood brothers and blood sisters. It just means that you're fun to talk to, possibly even more so when you're drunk (or on caffeine, if we're going for a more innocent approach).
Maybe you make friends, friends who actually want to live beyond that place. Maybe you even meet someone special. But just because you talk to a lot of people when you're there doesn't mean that's the case; in reverse, just because you might often only know one or two people doesn't mean you don't have a larger network.
Finally... if you want proof of a sincere friendship, if you want a real friendship or romantic relationship, don't look for it in people who only want to talk to you at the bar or Facebook. Look to people who know how to broaden their horizons. Because if they only want to be in a bar or on Facebook, well, that says a lot more about the friendship or relationship you're trying to build than it does about you.
I myself posted an entry a few days ago - not about having too few friends there, but about how many don't want to go beyond pokes. Again, I've heard it said by other people as well.
I did some thinking just now.
Most of the time, this is what happens:
Mary Sue: Oh look, I knew Gary Stu in elementary school! We were both in the sticker club. Let me add him!
Gary Stu: Oh neat, Mary Sue! I always wondered what happened to her.
PMs fly, they read one another's profiles, maybe even add a few mutuals. They're so happy to have gotten back in touch!
After 48 hours, they never talk to one another again, beyond the occasional poke and wall post.
Let's suppose Mary Sue also sees someone she goes to college with, Susie Marie. She adds Susie Marie, and they talk about how they should OMG GET TOGETHER one night after the class they both have.
Susie Marie drops said class, and they never talk beyond pokes and wall posts, even though they both have dorms in the same building. Maybe it's because they're busy. Maybe it's because they just don't have much in common. Maybe Mary Sue's just more of an internet socializer than a real-world socializer. (Hey, it happens.) The same is true for Gary Stu.
Does this always happen? No. And when it does happen, it doesn't make the people bad people.
But Facebook is not any indication as to how many friends you do or don't have. And not everyone there is going to want to talk to you much outside of it.
Here's the thing: Facebook's basically like a pub or some other social gathering. You have a bunch of people in little crowds, and it's very busy in many ways. You always see the same group of people, and you tend to drink together and check out the guys/ladies together... etc.
This does not mean they are your blood brothers and blood sisters. It just means that you're fun to talk to, possibly even more so when you're drunk (or on caffeine, if we're going for a more innocent approach).
Maybe you make friends, friends who actually want to live beyond that place. Maybe you even meet someone special. But just because you talk to a lot of people when you're there doesn't mean that's the case; in reverse, just because you might often only know one or two people doesn't mean you don't have a larger network.
Finally... if you want proof of a sincere friendship, if you want a real friendship or romantic relationship, don't look for it in people who only want to talk to you at the bar or Facebook. Look to people who know how to broaden their horizons. Because if they only want to be in a bar or on Facebook, well, that says a lot more about the friendship or relationship you're trying to build than it does about you.
