Or people being half an hour or an hour or two hours late for a scening appointment and just drifting in with no excuse and no apology, when I've been sitting there waiting all that time -- rude. Real life happens to everyone -- I've had to leave or miss an appointment and I've always explained (ahead of time) and apologized. And a couple of times I've just forgotten or whatever and flaked and believe me, next time I saw the person I'd been supposed to meet with I gave an explanation and the apology was seriously grovelling because I'd blown it badly and knew it.
It's a matter of respect, though. If I'm taking time I could be using to do something else and spending it to roleplay with JaneFan, but she thinks it's OK to leave me waiting for no reason at all, or she thinks it's OK to get up in the middle and wander off without a word to get the phone or diaper the baby or have an hour's worth of conversation with someone who knocked on her door for a visit, without even saying "Hey, sorry, gotta go, back in an hour," that tells me I come pretty darned low on her Respect list. She thinks it's OK to leave me waiting for her all that time with no prior warning, that I don't even deserve a "BRB."
These things are technically rude, especially when something hasn't come up and the person just got bored, but sometimes there's no real choice.
Now, to me, that center bit doesn't belong in there. If someone's wandered off just because they got bored, then that's a lot more than "technically" rude and there definitely was a choice. Take that part out and I agree with the rest of it -- that leaving a scene in the middle is technically rude but sometimes you have no choice, and if you explain and apologize before you leave then I have no problem with it and won't think you were rude.
Same with disappearing suddenly - I've typed "BRB" before when people are waiting, and they've seen me and gotten upset.
With me, that'd depend. If we're due to start in two minutes and you typed "BRB" to let me know you're online and then came back five minutes later, that's cool. Technically it's a bit late but if you ran to grab a cup of coffee or whatever first then that's fine. Or if you typed "BRB" in the middle of a scene because you needed a couple of minutes to dash to the bathroom, then fine. If someone's going to be gone more than a few minutes, though, then some sort of indicator is nice; if we're going to be taking a break I'd like to know if I have time to get a drink, time to hit the bathroom, time to make myself some dinner, time to go watch some TV with my husband.... [wry smile] Your break is also my break and I want to know how much time I have so I know what I can do with it. If someone typed "BRB" with nothing else, I'd assume they were only going to be gone for a few minutes and I wouldn't get upset until a significantly longer time had passed.
A true emergency overrides this, of course, but true emergencies are extremely rare. More often in my experience when someone's significantly late for an appointment or vanishes without a word in the middle of one, it's just them being thoughtless, which makes it rude.
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author_by_night) wrote2006-10-19 03:03 pm
no subject
Or people being half an hour or an hour or two hours late for a scening appointment and just drifting in with no excuse and no apology, when I've been sitting there waiting all that time -- rude. Real life happens to everyone -- I've had to leave or miss an appointment and I've always explained (ahead of time) and apologized. And a couple of times I've just forgotten or whatever and flaked and believe me, next time I saw the person I'd been supposed to meet with I gave an explanation and the apology was seriously grovelling because I'd blown it badly and knew it.
It's a matter of respect, though. If I'm taking time I could be using to do something else and spending it to roleplay with JaneFan, but she thinks it's OK to leave me waiting for no reason at all, or she thinks it's OK to get up in the middle and wander off without a word to get the phone or diaper the baby or have an hour's worth of conversation with someone who knocked on her door for a visit, without even saying "Hey, sorry, gotta go, back in an hour," that tells me I come pretty darned low on her Respect list. She thinks it's OK to leave me waiting for her all that time with no prior warning, that I don't even deserve a "BRB."
These things are technically rude, especially when something hasn't come up and the person just got bored, but sometimes there's no real choice.
Now, to me, that center bit doesn't belong in there. If someone's wandered off just because they got bored, then that's a lot more than "technically" rude and there definitely was a choice. Take that part out and I agree with the rest of it -- that leaving a scene in the middle is technically rude but sometimes you have no choice, and if you explain and apologize before you leave then I have no problem with it and won't think you were rude.
Same with disappearing suddenly - I've typed "BRB" before when people are waiting, and they've seen me and gotten upset.
With me, that'd depend. If we're due to start in two minutes and you typed "BRB" to let me know you're online and then came back five minutes later, that's cool. Technically it's a bit late but if you ran to grab a cup of coffee or whatever first then that's fine. Or if you typed "BRB" in the middle of a scene because you needed a couple of minutes to dash to the bathroom, then fine. If someone's going to be gone more than a few minutes, though, then some sort of indicator is nice; if we're going to be taking a break I'd like to know if I have time to get a drink, time to hit the bathroom, time to make myself some dinner, time to go watch some TV with my husband.... [wry smile] Your break is also my break and I want to know how much time I have so I know what I can do with it. If someone typed "BRB" with nothing else, I'd assume they were only going to be gone for a few minutes and I wouldn't get upset until a significantly longer time had passed.
A true emergency overrides this, of course, but true emergencies are extremely rare. More often in my experience when someone's significantly late for an appointment or vanishes without a word in the middle of one, it's just them being thoughtless, which makes it rude.
Angie
no subject