Twitter, PS/SS Style
Sep. 1st, 2018 10:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
author_by_nightA few weeks ago, I randomly wrote Hermione's account of the first Harry Potter book... twitter style. My plan was to put it all on twitter, but that didn't quite pan out.
For the dates, I used the Harry Potter Lexicon calendar as a source, although I took my own liberties as well. I'm also pretending it's perfectly plausible for Hermione to have used twitter in 1991. This is all in fun, guys. :P
Also, I tried sticking mainly to canon events, but I did throw in some non-canon ones as well.
So, without further ado...
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, According to Hermione Granger: Twitter Style
1 September
Can't believe I'm going to #Hogwarts! I would say it's like magic, but it actually is magic. I hope I make a lot of friends. Some friends. A friend. I'm excited!
If Bobby "Eton because Daddy" Fortescue knew, he would be so jealous. I hated him. He was at the top of his class like me, but such a know-it-all.
Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost his. #Tweets4Trevor
So I met Harry Potter, and had to fix his glasses. He was sitting with a boy who tried to turn his rat yellow. I don't think they're going to beat me in Charms.
We're almost there. Soon to be Sorted. I read the Hogwarts, A History section on Sorting 42 times and I'm probably getting into Ravenclaw. I'm smart. I can be creative, though I prefer pragmatism. Gryffindor might be fitting, but they seem to have this need to solve other people's problems... oh, WHERE is Neville's toad?
I'm in Gryffindor! They spelled "Griffin" wrong, of course. But I can forgive them. Spelling was far more varied in the Founders' time.
#nitwit #oddment #blubber #tweak
2 September
Note to self: Find out who makes breakfast at Hogwarts. Even if it takes four years.
My roommates are disappointing. Sally-Anne Perks doesn't talk; Parvati and Lavender only giggle. Does anything change after primary school?
4 September
Classes are fun. Our Head of House, Professor McGonagall, is also our Transfiguration professor. She doesn't take late homework, has no patience for stupid questions, and expects us to start preparing for our OWLs five years ahead of schedule. I love her already.
5 September
Ron Weasley fell asleep in Charms. I woke him up. For some reason, he was cross about it. I was only trying to help..
8 September
Just had Potions. I don't mean to disrespect a professor, but he's terrible. Snape ignored me when I raised my hand, spoke to Harry in a way that was dreadfully rude,and it's clear he favours Slytherins. Also, his hair is problematic. Does he know how to use shampoo?
Another thing that happened: One of the Slytherin girls, Pansy Parkinson, made fun of my teeth. Maybe nothing changes after all.
9 September
Flying lessons. I'm a bit nervous, I have to admit. There are no books on flying - I already checked. #Help
I don't believe this. tl;dr Draco and Harry got into a row and took off on their brooms. We're definitely going to lose House points! #whatanidiot
Well, Neville, Harry, Ron and I almost got eaten by a three-headed dog tonight. The worst part? We could've been expelled.
19 September
It's my birthday. No one realized. I did get a card and a shirt from Mum and Dad. They also sent me an Annie Lennox CD. That I can't use here, but I'll listen to it when I get home.
Harry's got a broomstick. And apparently, he's on the Quiddich team. For breaking the rules! No one should be rewarded for breaking the rules! Rules were made to be followed!
Ron and Harry are glad I'm not speaking to them. I'm glad too. I wouldn't mind having friends, especially on my birthday, but I don't need it to be them.
20 September
Lavender and Parvati remembered my birthday. A day late, but they remembered it was this week, at least. We spent all night talking about the Cute Boys of Hogwarts. Not my cuppa, not even my birthday, but... I'll take it. :)
10 October
Haven't had much time to tweet - I've been too busy with homework and reading. Hogwarts is going well. Parvati and Lavender are still in their own world, and I'm not sure where Sally-Anne's got to, but I'm tutoring Eloise Midgen in Herbology and Neville Longbottom in Potions.
Tutoring counts as having friends, right?
20 October
Snape is nasty, Malfoy is foul, and Quirrell is scared of everything. What else is new?
31 October
I HAVE got friends, Ron Weasley. Even if I didn't, which I do, you're going to be working for ME someday. And you will know the difference between Wingardium LeviOsa and Wingardium LevioSA. #BigGirlsDon'tCry
What's all that noise outside the bathroom stall? Did Lavender or Parvati get rejected by a boy again?
#ohcrap #thisishowidie #trollinthedungeon
1 November
Ron, Harry and I seem to be friends now. The book puts it better than I ever could. #FourthWallBreak
5 November
Tried explaining Guy Fawkes Night to Ron. He was more interested in the bonfire bit than the history. #ILoveMyFriends
9 November
Quidditch Match!
I think Professor Snape is hexing Harry's broom. Hold my Butterbeer.
Anyone know who Nicholas Flamel is? Yeah, us either.
1 December
Still haven't any idea who Nicholas Flamel is.
15 December
Watching the Weasley Twins magick snowballs at Quirrell's turban. I don't approve, but it's too cold to go out and scold them. Ron thinks I've become more relaxed. Ha!
25 December
Happy Christmas for those of you who celebrate it! I hope your days are merry and bright, as they say. I'm back home listening to my parents sing "O Come All Ye Faithful" very much off-key. I've missed them.
1 January
Happy New Year! Can you believe it's 1992? I feel a sudden sense of anachronism, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because we're not supposed to have twitter yet. #FourthWalBreak
4 January
Back to Hogwarts! Can't wait to see Ron and Harry. That is not something I thought I would say five months ago.
Harry... saw his parents. Dead parents. In The Mirror of Erised. It shows you what your heart most desires. It's given me a lot to think about. Too much, maybe. Nothing I've read so far is helping.
I wrote a long letter to Mum and Dad tonight.
10 February
Busy at Hogwarts as always, between trying to stop Snape from doing whatever it is he's trying to do and studying.
2 March
A DRAGON EGG, HAGRID? YOU HAVE A DRAGON EGG? ARE YOU FLAMELING KIDDING ME? #ThereBeDragons #CAPSLOCKRAGE
10 April
It's a boy. Hagrid's hut is made of wood.
18 April
In other news, Snape is nastier than ever. Poor Quirrell. And Harry. And Neville. (Who picks on Neville, anyway? He's our innocent.)
5 May
Charlie Weasley's friends are going to smuggle Baby Norbert out of the castle. We'll have to break the rules and sneak out, but I'm willing to do it. For Hagrid, because I have a soft spot for him. And also for us, because at this point, we're just as complicit. Ron actually agreed with me on this one.
6 May
Norbert bit Ron and he's in the Hospital Wing. #fastestcoverstoryever
9 May
It was all going so well. Now we've all got detention, including Neville, who won't even talk to ME because he thinks we tricked him. The first time I've ever lost a friend for breaking the rules.
It's also the first time I've ever had detention. Not what I expected First Year to mean.
15 May
Neville still won't talk to us.
26 May
This better have been my first AND last detention ever.
2 June
Who tells a hooded stranger how to get through a trap door hiding the Philosopher's Stone? #Hagrid
The cloak fits all three of us. #InvisiblityCloak #PowerofFriendship
#ForgotI'mAWitch
I know I'm smart. I'm proud of being smart. But if there's anything being friends with you taught me, it's that there are more important things than books and cleverness. So stop simpering and stop Snape. #whatanidiot #lovemyfriends
3 June
We're okay. Well. Quirrell, not so much.
4 June
Gryffindor won the House Cup! Although, technically Slytherin did. Dumbledore just changed it in light of recent heroics. I have a feeling people are going to debate the fairness of it all for a VERY long time.
5 June
We solved a lot of mysteries this year. But one was never solved, and I fear it never will be:
Whatever happened to Sally-Anne Perks?
For the dates, I used the Harry Potter Lexicon calendar as a source, although I took my own liberties as well. I'm also pretending it's perfectly plausible for Hermione to have used twitter in 1991. This is all in fun, guys. :P
Also, I tried sticking mainly to canon events, but I did throw in some non-canon ones as well.
So, without further ado...
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, According to Hermione Granger: Twitter Style
1 September
Can't believe I'm going to #Hogwarts! I would say it's like magic, but it actually is magic. I hope I make a lot of friends. Some friends. A friend. I'm excited!
If Bobby "Eton because Daddy" Fortescue knew, he would be so jealous. I hated him. He was at the top of his class like me, but such a know-it-all.
Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost his. #Tweets4Trevor
So I met Harry Potter, and had to fix his glasses. He was sitting with a boy who tried to turn his rat yellow. I don't think they're going to beat me in Charms.
We're almost there. Soon to be Sorted. I read the Hogwarts, A History section on Sorting 42 times and I'm probably getting into Ravenclaw. I'm smart. I can be creative, though I prefer pragmatism. Gryffindor might be fitting, but they seem to have this need to solve other people's problems... oh, WHERE is Neville's toad?
I'm in Gryffindor! They spelled "Griffin" wrong, of course. But I can forgive them. Spelling was far more varied in the Founders' time.
#nitwit #oddment #blubber #tweak
2 September
Note to self: Find out who makes breakfast at Hogwarts. Even if it takes four years.
My roommates are disappointing. Sally-Anne Perks doesn't talk; Parvati and Lavender only giggle. Does anything change after primary school?
4 September
Classes are fun. Our Head of House, Professor McGonagall, is also our Transfiguration professor. She doesn't take late homework, has no patience for stupid questions, and expects us to start preparing for our OWLs five years ahead of schedule. I love her already.
5 September
Ron Weasley fell asleep in Charms. I woke him up. For some reason, he was cross about it. I was only trying to help..
8 September
Just had Potions. I don't mean to disrespect a professor, but he's terrible. Snape ignored me when I raised my hand, spoke to Harry in a way that was dreadfully rude,and it's clear he favours Slytherins. Also, his hair is problematic. Does he know how to use shampoo?
Another thing that happened: One of the Slytherin girls, Pansy Parkinson, made fun of my teeth. Maybe nothing changes after all.
9 September
Flying lessons. I'm a bit nervous, I have to admit. There are no books on flying - I already checked. #Help
I don't believe this. tl;dr Draco and Harry got into a row and took off on their brooms. We're definitely going to lose House points! #whatanidiot
Well, Neville, Harry, Ron and I almost got eaten by a three-headed dog tonight. The worst part? We could've been expelled.
19 September
It's my birthday. No one realized. I did get a card and a shirt from Mum and Dad. They also sent me an Annie Lennox CD. That I can't use here, but I'll listen to it when I get home.
Harry's got a broomstick. And apparently, he's on the Quiddich team. For breaking the rules! No one should be rewarded for breaking the rules! Rules were made to be followed!
Ron and Harry are glad I'm not speaking to them. I'm glad too. I wouldn't mind having friends, especially on my birthday, but I don't need it to be them.
20 September
Lavender and Parvati remembered my birthday. A day late, but they remembered it was this week, at least. We spent all night talking about the Cute Boys of Hogwarts. Not my cuppa, not even my birthday, but... I'll take it. :)
10 October
Haven't had much time to tweet - I've been too busy with homework and reading. Hogwarts is going well. Parvati and Lavender are still in their own world, and I'm not sure where Sally-Anne's got to, but I'm tutoring Eloise Midgen in Herbology and Neville Longbottom in Potions.
Tutoring counts as having friends, right?
20 October
Snape is nasty, Malfoy is foul, and Quirrell is scared of everything. What else is new?
31 October
I HAVE got friends, Ron Weasley. Even if I didn't, which I do, you're going to be working for ME someday. And you will know the difference between Wingardium LeviOsa and Wingardium LevioSA. #BigGirlsDon'tCry
What's all that noise outside the bathroom stall? Did Lavender or Parvati get rejected by a boy again?
#ohcrap #thisishowidie #trollinthedungeon
1 November
Ron, Harry and I seem to be friends now. The book puts it better than I ever could. #FourthWallBreak
5 November
Tried explaining Guy Fawkes Night to Ron. He was more interested in the bonfire bit than the history. #ILoveMyFriends
9 November
Quidditch Match!
I think Professor Snape is hexing Harry's broom. Hold my Butterbeer.
Anyone know who Nicholas Flamel is? Yeah, us either.
1 December
Still haven't any idea who Nicholas Flamel is.
15 December
Watching the Weasley Twins magick snowballs at Quirrell's turban. I don't approve, but it's too cold to go out and scold them. Ron thinks I've become more relaxed. Ha!
25 December
Happy Christmas for those of you who celebrate it! I hope your days are merry and bright, as they say. I'm back home listening to my parents sing "O Come All Ye Faithful" very much off-key. I've missed them.
1 January
Happy New Year! Can you believe it's 1992? I feel a sudden sense of anachronism, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because we're not supposed to have twitter yet. #FourthWalBreak
4 January
Back to Hogwarts! Can't wait to see Ron and Harry. That is not something I thought I would say five months ago.
Harry... saw his parents. Dead parents. In The Mirror of Erised. It shows you what your heart most desires. It's given me a lot to think about. Too much, maybe. Nothing I've read so far is helping.
I wrote a long letter to Mum and Dad tonight.
10 February
Busy at Hogwarts as always, between trying to stop Snape from doing whatever it is he's trying to do and studying.
2 March
A DRAGON EGG, HAGRID? YOU HAVE A DRAGON EGG? ARE YOU FLAMELING KIDDING ME? #ThereBeDragons #CAPSLOCKRAGE
10 April
It's a boy. Hagrid's hut is made of wood.
18 April
In other news, Snape is nastier than ever. Poor Quirrell. And Harry. And Neville. (Who picks on Neville, anyway? He's our innocent.)
5 May
Charlie Weasley's friends are going to smuggle Baby Norbert out of the castle. We'll have to break the rules and sneak out, but I'm willing to do it. For Hagrid, because I have a soft spot for him. And also for us, because at this point, we're just as complicit. Ron actually agreed with me on this one.
6 May
Norbert bit Ron and he's in the Hospital Wing. #fastestcoverstoryever
9 May
It was all going so well. Now we've all got detention, including Neville, who won't even talk to ME because he thinks we tricked him. The first time I've ever lost a friend for breaking the rules.
It's also the first time I've ever had detention. Not what I expected First Year to mean.
15 May
Neville still won't talk to us.
26 May
This better have been my first AND last detention ever.
2 June
Who tells a hooded stranger how to get through a trap door hiding the Philosopher's Stone? #Hagrid
The cloak fits all three of us. #InvisiblityCloak #PowerofFriendship
#ForgotI'mAWitch
I know I'm smart. I'm proud of being smart. But if there's anything being friends with you taught me, it's that there are more important things than books and cleverness. So stop simpering and stop Snape. #whatanidiot #lovemyfriends
3 June
We're okay. Well. Quirrell, not so much.
4 June
Gryffindor won the House Cup! Although, technically Slytherin did. Dumbledore just changed it in light of recent heroics. I have a feeling people are going to debate the fairness of it all for a VERY long time.
5 June
We solved a lot of mysteries this year. But one was never solved, and I fear it never will be:
Whatever happened to Sally-Anne Perks?
