The world's best spam email

[author_by_night]

Dear friend,

"Friend", indeed.

Permit me to inform you of my desire

"To spam my life away."

of going into business relationship with you.

Hahahahahano.

I believe you are a reputable and responsible trustworthy entity

"Entity." What am I, the Goddess of Email Sporking?

I can do business with, as a matter of trust,

You trust someone you randomly find on the internet. I positively admire your business ethics.

I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.

Sure, sure, absolutely.

I am the only child of my late parents,

I hate when my parents go shopping for too long.

Dr. & Mrs. Jean Taylor Davison. My father was a very wealthy Cocoa Merchant based in Mauritius,

And tragically died when a vicious rival hit him in the head with a cocoa nut.

 the Economic Capital of Port Louis.

Okay. That doesn't make any sense - a country is  the "Capital" of a maritime port?

My father was poisoned to death by his business associates

because he was such a dangerously powerful <strike>GaryStu</strike> man.

on one of their outings to discuss a business deal.

The sadness of it all.

Before the death of my father on the 24th November 2003

That recently? I don't seem to recall a story of a semi-famous, wealthy businessman being murdered by his own colleagues.

 in a Private Hospital in Abidjan, he secretly called me to his bedside

Because people die of poisioning very slowly.

and told me that he has the sum of 25.5 Million United States Dollars deposited as "Photographic Materials"

You seem surprised, considering how very wealthy and famous he was.

with a Security Trust Company in Europe with my name as the Next of kin.

And not your mother? Was she murdered too?

 Also his last words, was that I should move out of my country through a neighbouring country to any safe place for cover [Exile] immediately after his burial

So that you won't be next.

 

 so that his enemies will not know my where about,

Since you, too, are so tragically famous.

then from there that I should find a possible way of moving out of Mauritius and naturalize in a foreign country where I can put up solid investment with the money. Right now, am staying in London-United Kingdom.

Okay, so since you're in such noble exile, you're sending random spam to people you've never met?

According to my dad, it was because of his wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates.

Snerk.

Therefore, I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice

Who you don't necessarily know is trustworthy.

 who will assist me in transferering this money and use it for Investment purposes specifically, he advised that I should invest in Real Estate and Properties.

Yeah. Right. Mm-hm. I believe you completely.

I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways;

1. To serve as the guardian of this fund.

I will adopt and raise Fund to the best of my ability. When she is eightteen, I will let her find you.

2. To assist me in putting this sum of money in safe keeping

Despite not knownig a hair on my head.

by accepting to recieve it from the Security company with a letter of Authorization from me.

3. To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my
education and,

If you're so wealthy, is it hard to simply come over yourself?

4. To secure residential permit for me in your country.

See above.

Moreover, I am willing to offer you a percentage that you will not refuse

We'll see about that.

 from the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful completion of the transaction.

Riiight.

The details of the Security Company, the Certificate of Deposit and the Deposit's Pin Code (DPC) as well as the depositor's reference number will be released to you as soon as we established a cordial relationship and have the full Identity of each other. You will agree with me that it will be unimaginable doing a transaction of this magnitude without prior knowing each other better.

I know your life story, don't I?

To commence, I will need you to send to me your Telephone and Fax Numbers for further communication.

Oh, yes, and why don't I send my Social Security number too?

 If you are not Interested, Please do not reply to this mail, delete it from your system.

Can I make fun of it first?

Thank you while expecting to hear from you soon.

Henry Davison

*Cough.*