Regret

[author_by_night]

I hate it.

I could've tried to go to San Diego; maybe if I hadn't immediately decided my parents would say no, I could've. Could've gotten my cousin to come with me and everything.

But I didn't, and now my friends are back; had a fab time, saw Wicked, and all these cool other things.

I might have been there.

But I wasn't, and I might never get a chance again.

I hate this feeling.

And it's not just what I missed; it's the fact that we all could've been together. All three of us. I felt so weird all week, without them there, and I know they felt weird without me, because I know if it had been two of us, I would've missed the other, and I'd feel weird with her not being there.

Why can't I get more resolve? Say, you know what, if it'll be the second time I go away in two weeks, and the third time all summer, SO BE IT. Ask around to see who'll go with me. Convince my Mom that I know what I'm doing, that I'm twenty, not ten. No - see if I even HAVE to convince her. She's not strict at all, just semi-protective.

But no; I wish things to happen, but when I doubt they will, simply sigh, pick up a book, and loose myself in a place that isn't real.

Then I feel complete disappointment later, and keep thinking about "what if."

Comments

[harriet-wimsey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've always been like that. There were lots of things I would have liked to do, but I never asked because I assumed I couldn't do them. After school programs that I thought wouldn't work because I rode the bus, things like that. Mom was dumbfounded when I told her. I've gotten a little better since then, but I still tend to just stay at home, and while I like home, there are a lot of other things I would probably enjoy too if I would just do them. So, in other words, I sympathize.

[locked-door998.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* Next time, throw all caution to the wind and GO FOR IT! Hopefully, you'll end up having the time of your life. Good luck!

[moonlinnet.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I can understand what you mean, I've been in similar situations. Hurts, I know. *hugs some more*

[mafdet.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Take it as a sign that next time you will go for it!

[jan-aq.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that. Try not to dwell on it. :(

[ghostlygrove.livejournal.com]

I ain't pregnant, but I'm getting sympathy pains, hehe *weak smile* *hugs*

[the-bookdork.livejournal.com]

I hate it when that happens to me. The best thing to do is round up some courage next time and give it a go. The what-if game'll drive you insane. If you feel afraid or you just don't think you can do it, well, try it anyway. A chance's a chance.

[linda-lupos.livejournal.com]

Re: your mom being overly worried - just go for it. Carefully plan everything yourself, give your parents your phonenumber, promise you'll call regularly and DO IT. It's what I did with my mom, who's also overly worried, and it worked out.
Well, she's still worried, but she's now starting to realise that hey, maybe her little girl can sometimes fend for herself. :)

Be more Sirius sometimes, less Remus. ;)