Five Things Nobody Tells You About Being an Only Child

[author_by_night]

"Aww, you're an only child! Are you spoiled? I bet you're spoiled."

"God, you must have been so lonely growing up."

"Only children are totes like the oldest because they're smarter and more responsible than anyone else."


1. Lonely? Ha! Here's the thing: When you grow up with two people in your house, maybe a third or fourth at times if you have a relative who lives with you, you're used to being alone. Too used to it. You hated group projects in school not just because of the awkward politics, but because you weren't used to having to do one activity with other people - and you were also used to activities being led by adults, who were generally easier to work with. Generally.

This isn't to say it doesn't get lonely sometimes. But only children don't go through life crying. Really. If anything, sometimes it's more the idealism of siblings that makes us lonely. And even then, when we read books like these as kids...



... maybe not having a younger sister who hates me because I use "big words", or an older sister who hates me because I'm not a genius, is okay.

2. In some ways, we're old souls.



It's simple, really - when your primary social group consists of Mom, Dad, and other adult family members, you're more exposed to adult thinking. You also tend to gravitate towards friends who are of a similar mindset. So you outgrow calling people "booger heads" before you're even at the age where that's a thing. You also know about adult issues because that's what adults talk about. Even if your Mom's a Lorelai, Lorelai's still older than you. She's seen things eight year olds haven't.

3. On the other hand, we're also hopelessly naive.


Old Yeller? That's the happy movie!

First, only children don't have something very very crucial: Older siblings. Nobody tells you the ten different words for sex. Nobody blurts out bad words at dinner. You don't catch your brother making out with his new girlfriend. Nope. You might have older cousins, but generally they're around when parents are around to keep things PG. Or they're overprotective, which brings me to my second point.

This is true for some kids with older siblings as well - sometimes even older cousins, and siblings, take on a "second Mom" role. So they also let you believe Old Yeller lives happily ever after, because they don't think you're ready to be corrupted just yet. They also think you still need to be coached on all life decisions, even minor things such as what to eat for breakfast. Even when you're forty. You're the innocent, and everyone wants to keep it that way.


4. We do have brothers and sisters.



Although being lonely isn't a huge problem, we are always on the lookout for surrogate siblings. So when we say we don't have brothers or sisters, we're only really talking biology. :)

(And on that note, we hate when we're mistaken for dating a brother/sister. It's like suggesting that of real siblings. Stop doing that.)

5. Yep, we're a little spoiled.



Of course, levels and forms of being spoiled may vary.  But this goes back to the fact that we always have people watching after us, again much like youngest kids: Someone always makes sure we're happy, even when we don't want it. So yeah, we kind of get used to things being our way. We're used to having a say in what goes on, because there's usually only two other people to express desires to. We're used to not having to share.

This doesn't necessarily make us bratty, however. It does, however, sometimes make us harder to work with. Conversely, we can also be exceedingly neutral and have low expectations - because we're used to everyone being fair. Never ask me where you think we should eat. I don't care. No, I really do not care. Whatever everyone else decides. :) At the same time, talking in the library pisses me off, because can't everyone see I'm trying to concentrate?! *Bangs fists on table*


What birth order (I'm beginning to hate that term) are you, and what don't people know about it? Feel free to do a similar meme, or just comment here. :)

Comments

[sherrilina.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm also an only child, and likewise often think of the worse-case scenarios in terms of what it might be like to have a sibling (a la "Jacob, Have I Loved," etc. Even with surrogates, however, I don't presume to say I know exactly what it's like to have a sibling *cough* HP! *cough*.

That is an interesting thought re: adults, I have often felt more comfortable making conversation and such with them than people my own age when I was younger, maybe you are right as to why...

[snorkackcatcher]

As an only child myself, I can relate to most of that, especially 2, 3, and 5 -- I hadn't thought of it that way before, but now you say it, it makes a whole lot of sense!

[thekaiserchief.livejournal.com]

I was an only child until my brother was born when I was eleven. People did ask me if I was lonely, but I had my friends to play with, and my parents and plenty of books at home.

Though I'm the oldest, I wouldn't call myself bossy at all. That's just not part of my personality.

[quinns-crossing.livejournal.com]

I'm the youngest, but for many years it felt like I was the only child. My parents, for reasons unknown to me, placed my severely handicapped older brother in a state institution when I was 6 or 7 (this was in the late 1960s) and later he was moved to a very nice group home until he eventually came back to live with us.

It was very odd having to "visit" my brother when most other kids lived with their siblings. I can relate to many of the comments in 1-5. Except I don't know that we were spoiled.

My two best friends were girls whose siblings were several years older. The age gap was so significant that I think they probably felt almost like only children. Maybe that's why we all three got along so well!

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

That's quite fascinating.

The funny thing is that even though I have a twin sister (I was born last) I did gravitate towards adult thinking and sought out friends of similar interests, rather than the kids that were immature.

[acusa-dora.livejournal.com]

I can so see my son in your post. He seems to like solitude a little more than we think he should, but it's been such a big part of his life.

I'm the oldest and so I share a lot with you. I'm seven years older than my brother, so I was an only for a long time. I really like to work alone and I was and am very spoiled.

[bemkah.livejournal.com]

I'm the eldest child and I was like a little mother - I was 2 when my brother was born, and I would help my mother bathe him and stuff (or rather make my mum let me help). When I went to school, I'd come home and teach him everything I learned at school that day. I also basically forced him into learning how to read. Lol.

So while I was the oldest and kind of bossy, I wasn't really the stereotypical elder child. I'm rather shy actually.

I also have to tell you that with siblings, if you have a younger brother, the silly name calling never really stops. I'm 28 and he's 26, and we still call each other shit face and idiot features.

[quinns-crossing.livejournal.com]

LOL, I still call my brother "creep" and "bratface" and he still sticks his tongue out at me. He doesn't call ME names, but he calls my husband a punk! But nobody else is allowed to say that stuff. :D

[bemkah.livejournal.com]

Lolol. You sound so much more mature than my brother and I :p I have him in my phone as 'Smeldour, my brother', and he calls me stinky, buttlips, and all manner of other ridiculous names :p

[scionofgrace.livejournal.com]

I'm a second child and only daughter.

As I understand it, birth order traits are affected by things like age gaps and traumatic experiences. Like, if there's more than five years between two siblings, the birth order "resets" so that the younger one acts like a firstborn. Or if something happens to a child, the sibling following them will take on their traits (fourth-born acting like third-born, etc).

In my case, there was a year where my older brother was going through treatment for cancer. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I try to take the lead, and why I resent my followers when I do. (In any case, I gave up trying to lead things, and have been a lot happier. :-))

[aggiebell90]

As I understand it, birth order traits are affected by things like age gaps and traumatic experiences. Like, if there's more than five years between two siblings, the birth order "resets" so that the younger one acts like a firstborn

FWIW, this is the case with my kids--my oldest is 7 years older than my second, who is 4 years older than the next, who is 18 months older than our youngest. I think we definitely have a "first-born", another "first-born", a stereotypical "middle child" and the "baby." It always makes me wonder, what if, say, #2 and #3 switched places? Would their personalities change, too?

[kakeochi-umai.livejournal.com]

Oldest of 4, and I'm definitely NOT a leader! I've turned down promotions to management positions and everything. The part about parents going easier on younger siblings because they've realised certain things aren't worth fighting over was definitely true for me, though, and it was annoying. But I'm grateful that I didn't have anyone to live up to. Sibling 3 felt inferior to Sibling 2 a while ago because Sibling 2 was in an honours course and didn't have any problems at university, while Sibling 3 had a rockier path at first. Meanwhile, I got to be an arts major with Cs-get-degrees grades at a less prestigious university (albeit one I consciously chose because of their no-bullshit courses) without having to feel like the Claudia to anyone's Janine.