To the fine Christian gentlemen of Virtue Makes You Beautiful

[author_by_night]

So a friend of mine on FB posted a link to your video, which is about the importance of girls being modest and how guys want a girl who is modest, not sexy. (And no, this is not satire.)

Now, I think that there's an aspect of this that is relatively well meaning. Women should not feel or be forced to sexualize themselves, and there's far too much of that. And some people choose to dress modestly, for religious reasons or otherwise, and that's fine. When it's a choice.

But to imply that a woman MUST be modest for you? That is when it is no longer a choice, but a demand. "You understand why I need your modesty." There's the word "need." Not, "I love you as you are, even if you don't wear short skirts." It's, "I need you to dress a certain way." It's when you say, "girls with integrity are hard to find these days." Integrity is about being yourself. Integrity is about not giving a shit what men say we should wear, and that goes a billion different ways.

My other issue with the modesty argument is... why do you need it so badly? What is wrong with you that you can't look at me if I'm not being "modest?" Isn't the Christian thing to do keep your eyes on my face? Does the Bible not say, "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass?" Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn't women being immodest, but certain thoughts being "immodest."

Do I think there's another sad extreme to this? Absolutely. But they're both extremes, and neither are okay.

Damn straight I feel comfortable with who I am. You don't get a say in why that is.

Comments

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

Women should not feel or be forced to sexualize themselves, and there's far too much of that. And some people choose to dress modestly, for religious reasons or otherwise, and that's fine. When it's a choice.

You are so right!

[bemkah.livejournal.com]

Exactly. It's just like that little Indian boy holding up that sign that says 'don't teach your daughters what to wear, teach your sons not to rape'. There is something seriously wrong with the mindset that men need women to dress a certain way or else men cannot control themselves.

[blpurdom.livejournal.com]

Slut-shaming rears its ugly head again. How annoying and--frequent. :sigh:

[anelma-unelma.livejournal.com]

In that sort of context women, or more like girls, are taught to believe that men are like animals, they get certain impulses and there's no way on earth they can control them. That's why it is a womans job to ensure everybodys modesty and good behaviour by hiding their assets. That's a horrible thing to teach to young girls but maybe even more horrible thing is that the young boys in those same circles start believing it too, that there is no way they could control their behaviour and impulses and that ok, in fact they don't even have to, it's the girls fault.. :P

[jadore-histoire.livejournal.com]

Fundie Christians seem to believe that men are uncontrollable and guided by lust and it's the women's job to make sure they aren't tempted. Ridiculous, right?

[scionofgrace.livejournal.com]

But to imply that a woman MUST be modest for you? That is when it is no longer a choice, but a demand.

Whoa. I think that right there is the heart of the problem. Hmmm. It's like, modesty or immodesty isn't the point, it's that we're saying men "need" one.

And that women need men. And thus they must dress to attract them.

Oh dang. This is going to take some thinking.

[quinns-crossing.livejournal.com]

Why don't they make a video for the BOYS about modesty? So many of them seem to think they're "Mr. Super Stud" from the teen years on up. I wish their parents would teach them how to respect girls and women.

I wonder if they got permission from the original songwriters to use that tune. I also thought it was odd how they zoomed in so frequently on the lone African-American guy (or were there 2?), in an attempt to make this Mostly White Dudes group appear more diverse. I didn't notice an Asian or Latino-looking singer in the whole bunch.

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

Send him a jar of heavy hand crème and some porn with a note suggesting he might do himself with something large & abrasive rather than annoy real women with HIS needs.

Seriously, dude, like anybody is gonna work overtime for your stuff.

[secondmezzanine.livejournal.com]

One word: UGH!

I dig your response.

[quinns-crossing.livejournal.com]

Today, I found this blog entry about "The Purity Culture" and I thought of this post.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/the-purity-culture

Besides the fact that I disagree with "The Purity Culture" because it's too strict altogether, I also think puts the burden too much on girls. Parents need to hold boys accountable, too. Of course we don't want young daughters to become involved in unhealthy sexual relationships, but don't we want our SONS and grandsons to have healthy relations? When parents place most of the responsibility on girls, I think they're helping to promote the rape culture.