I'm torn. I get where you're coming from on this because I think there's a sense of martyrdom and smug superiority that comes with the territory of writing something like this. That, in and of itself, is offensive to everyone.
On the kid front, though: kids tend to amplify issues that were problems before but were tolerable.
Once upon a time, I lived in a tiny apartment near the university. It was on several bus lines, and I could easily get to the symphony, several shopping malls, walk to multiple different grocery stores, etc. Want to eat out? Several restaurants within a few minutes' drive. Want pizza? Walk to the next block.
Now, the problem with this lifestyle is "tiny apartment"-- can't decorate, not enough room for books, no pets, no piano, limited privacy. (Also, being near the university means you wake up to fun problems like having your car windows smashed in, hear car alarms all night, etc.)
Eventually, we moved. The house we chose was in the middle of nowhere, for various reasons (perhaps an overreaction to "tiny" and "hear car alarms all night"). This was our choice, obviously, and we thought we understood the future implications. Because we had no kids, the fact that everything was now a 20-30 minute drive (minimum) was a surmountable obstacle. (After all, when you took the bus, didn't everything take that long, anyway? And besides, did we really need to eat out that often? So, sure; no one delivers pizza to us, but livable, surely? And piano! And pets! And space! And quiet!) We were far away from friends-- but weren't we before? They'd moved out of the university district years before, they didn't consult us when they chose where to move, so why not pick what we wanted?
But there are other implications, too. You need to time the commute right, since any problems anywhere along the way can turn into massive backups. Is it really worth the trip back into downtown on a weekend to go to the symphony? *Really?* What if you forgot to pick up something at the store?
These were problems with the choice of where we moved. This was always true.
Add a small child. Can I time my commute for convenience? No, because I have absolute restrictions imposed by daycare hours. (Daycare opens at 8 and shuts promptly at 6 pm-- no option to "drop off really early" or "leave until 9" if you have an evening event.) If I've been forced to drive at regular commute times, do I really want to do more driving afterward? Let's say I want to go to the symphony. Before child: pick weeknight symphony, stay downtown after work, go to symphony, go home late. (Or: go to work very early, drive home early, let out dogs, rest and eat, drive back to symphony much later.) After child: child is too young to behave through concert and needs to be taken home from daycare after work, whether left with husband or with babysitter. Do I then drive all the way back into downtown to go to symphony, or do I decree that it is simply not worth it? (Option B! Option B!)
If I forget something at the store... before child: "run in" in the morning before work; "run in" on the way home. After child: morning has been a struggle already; do I want to take him out of the car seat and deal with going through the store on the way to work, or will this just frustrate us both? Evening... last night I thought I'd go shopping on the way home, but he didn't take his nap at school and fell asleep immediately on the car ride home. Do I wake up a sleepy preschooler to drag him into a store, knowing that he's truly exhausted and will start screaming, or do I skip shopping and take him straight home? (I chose the latter; he slept all the way through to the next morning.)
Comment, part 1.
On the kid front, though: kids tend to amplify issues that were problems before but were tolerable.
Once upon a time, I lived in a tiny apartment near the university. It was on several bus lines, and I could easily get to the symphony, several shopping malls, walk to multiple different grocery stores, etc. Want to eat out? Several restaurants within a few minutes' drive. Want pizza? Walk to the next block.
Now, the problem with this lifestyle is "tiny apartment"-- can't decorate, not enough room for books, no pets, no piano, limited privacy. (Also, being near the university means you wake up to fun problems like having your car windows smashed in, hear car alarms all night, etc.)
Eventually, we moved. The house we chose was in the middle of nowhere, for various reasons (perhaps an overreaction to "tiny" and "hear car alarms all night"). This was our choice, obviously, and we thought we understood the future implications. Because we had no kids, the fact that everything was now a 20-30 minute drive (minimum) was a surmountable obstacle. (After all, when you took the bus, didn't everything take that long, anyway? And besides, did we really need to eat out that often? So, sure; no one delivers pizza to us, but livable, surely? And piano! And pets! And space! And quiet!) We were far away from friends-- but weren't we before? They'd moved out of the university district years before, they didn't consult us when they chose where to move, so why not pick what we wanted?
But there are other implications, too. You need to time the commute right, since any problems anywhere along the way can turn into massive backups. Is it really worth the trip back into downtown on a weekend to go to the symphony? *Really?* What if you forgot to pick up something at the store?
These were problems with the choice of where we moved. This was always true.
Add a small child. Can I time my commute for convenience? No, because I have absolute restrictions imposed by daycare hours. (Daycare opens at 8 and shuts promptly at 6 pm-- no option to "drop off really early" or "leave until 9" if you have an evening event.) If I've been forced to drive at regular commute times, do I really want to do more driving afterward? Let's say I want to go to the symphony. Before child: pick weeknight symphony, stay downtown after work, go to symphony, go home late. (Or: go to work very early, drive home early, let out dogs, rest and eat, drive back to symphony much later.) After child: child is too young to behave through concert and needs to be taken home from daycare after work, whether left with husband or with babysitter. Do I then drive all the way back into downtown to go to symphony, or do I decree that it is simply not worth it? (Option B! Option B!)
If I forget something at the store... before child: "run in" in the morning before work; "run in" on the way home. After child: morning has been a struggle already; do I want to take him out of the car seat and deal with going through the store on the way to work, or will this just frustrate us both? Evening... last night I thought I'd go shopping on the way home, but he didn't take his nap at school and fell asleep immediately on the car ride home. Do I wake up a sleepy preschooler to drag him into a store, knowing that he's truly exhausted and will start screaming, or do I skip shopping and take him straight home? (I chose the latter; he slept all the way through to the next morning.)